Downton Abbey: The Risk Of Love

You Are Very Peculiar, Matthew Crawley

Downton Abbey,
January 13th 1920

Thomas stumbled inside the servants' hall while trying to rub the tiredness out of his eyes, when he realised all eyes were upon him and the disapproving look of Mr Carson.

"Where have you been, Thomas?!" He furrowed his eyebrows and bellowed "His Lordship will be awake soon!"

"Alright Mr Carson, don't give yourself a heart attack" Thomas said with a yawn and walked past the eyes that were following him "I'll be dressed soon to dress him" He headed towards the hall and the servants' staircase.

"And we are acting as footmen for tonight's dinner!" Mr Carson shouted after him. The butler puffed up his chest and pursed his lips together as it seemed that the old Thomas Barrow was now back with them.

Thomas just smirked to himself as he headed up towards his room to change into the proper attire. He had not realised how much of a mess he looked — with Matthew's stains all over his suit — not until he was undressing and the scent of his lover whiffed past his nose. Now he needed to purchase a new suit, for this one he would never use again, it now was a treasure. He dressed himself before going to the lavatories to try and freshen up the best he could. Right when he had managed to smooth the last hair strand sticking out of place the bell rang for him to attend his lordship — and he was thankful that the whole house decided to rise late from last night's festivities.

"Is something troubling you, Your Lordship?" Thomas asked and held out Robert's suit jacket for him.

"There is, as a matter of fact" Robert Crawley said and slid into the sleeves of the jacket. "It's a secret I said I would not speak to you about, but I feel guilty for not acknowledging it now that you're acting as my valet."

"I am afraid I don't know what secret you're speaking of, my lord," Thomas said, while sucking in his cheeks and pursing his lips, to hide the anxiousness from appearing on his face.

"Matthew told me everything that happened, he was afraid I wouldn't understand why he wished for you to be his caregiver — " Lord Grantham fixed his suit by its collar and then spun around " — Mr Barrow, I just wanted to thank you for saving Matthew's life on the front." He said and held his hand out.

Thomas exhaled in relief — it was not about his love for Matthew, of course it was not, why had he been so worried? Of all people, Thomas knew that Lord Grantham would be the last person Matthew ever would tell. With a puffed out chest, and one corner of his mouth curling into a lopsided smirk, Thomas accepted the handshake. "Of course, my lord, I would have done it again." He said and it was the truth.

Thomas then moved to retrieve Lord Grantham's shoes and placed them on the floor before him, wiping them down with a cloth to remove any particles of dust.

"Does it not bother you that they don't know what you did, Mr Barrow?" Lord Grantham stepped into the shoes and Thomas kneeled down to tie them for him "If they knew how you acted, I'm sure they would think very highly of you."

"We are what we are—-" Thomas said and stood up and rolled the last of the lint from the jacket then took out a set of button cuffs for Lord Grantham " —-Your Lordship"

"Even so, know that I hold you in higher regards for what you did, and I understand the bond a war can bring — " Lord Grantham said and pulled the sleeves of his shirt down from underneath the jacket " — even if the others will not."

Thomas bowed his head and he did appreciate that Robert did understand that much, but he also knew that was as far as it would go. He would not approve of much else; not Matthew treating Thomas like an equal, not them speaking casually with each other — and especially not the relationship they had. "Do you need a bag packed for your trip to London, sir?"