Downton Abbey: The Risk Of Love

I Think Sybil Would Agree

Downton Abbey
June 1920

The summer stood high in the sky and there was no cloud to be seen. The swallows were singing in the trees that now stood fully clothed in green leaves once more. Spring was officially no more and summer had embraced the British lands but over Downton Abbey a gloom still laid. Despite the warmness in the day there was not much warmth within its walls. Most folks shared the sentiment that there would always be something missing from there. Sybil would be missing. Even if the days had to go on, life had to march forwards, there was a valet who had a seemingly hard time doing so, and an heir who had dived into work straightaway to distract himself.

This would have been when the two men had planned on visiting Manchester again but of course those plans had been cancelled. Instead the two were walking through the forest, towards a shed, and it was the first time in a month the two had taken time to be alone. It had not been easy, as Thomas did not know how to put words to his thoughts and Matthew did not know how much he needed Thomas to aid him through his own suppressed grief — they had unknowingly pushed each other away.

Suddenly Thomas stopped.

He stared at a spot by a tree that looked perfectly ordinary to most — but, from the way Thomas looked at it, Matthew knew it was not. He took his lover's hand in his and, to Matthew's surprise, Thomas did not pull away from his touch. It was the first time since Sybil's death that they had touched each other for longer than a few seconds.

The feeling of Matthew's hand in his caused Thomas' body to tremble slightly. There was a slight warmth that rushed through his veins and Thomas squeezed the hand with his. It was a feeling he had missed, and felt so guilty for longing for it.

"My darling?" Matthew asked and his tone was as tender as it could be.

The memories came flooding back from a time when Sybil had found him right there and it caused Thomas' chest to ache but at the same time he began feeling some form of liberation. The thought of Sybil, and the awakening of memories when she had walked about the estate, made Thomas feel something he had not in weeks.

"When I found out that you were assumed missing, during the war, — " Thomas said in a whisper " — I ran to this tree and broke down, but Sybil found me."

Matthew held his breath — Thomas had not mentioned her name since the night she had died and they had laid crying in Thomas' bed. Matthew did not say a word as he did not wish to be an interruption and because he felt himself well up, he felt the sorrow escape his mind and overtake him again — just like that night.

"That's when she told me that she knew, that she — " Thomas' voice cracked and shut his eyes tightly. He took deep, slow, breaths to steady himself." — that she knew it was you."

Matthew swallowed thickly as he felt that lump in his throat. What a woman Sybil had been, what a liberation she must have been for Thomas — to have someone accept you, and even accept you being in love with a man from your family. It must have meant the world to Thomas to have her during the war when Matthew was so far away.

"She was remarkable — with such willpower and strength." Matthew let his arm wrap around Thomas' shoulder and he pulled him close. Just by feeling he loved by his side again made Matthew's tears fall as he had not realised how much he had needed to feel the comfort of Thomas and he knew he had tried to suppress his grief, not deal with it.

With Matthew tears Thomas suddenly found his words again. Words he had been at loss for and he understood that he had not been alone in keeping everything inside. " — my Matthew, I am so sorry — " Thomas said and turned to face him. His arms wrapped tightly around him and — like the night of Sybil's passing — they cried together. Though it was not as loud, it was not fully out of shattering anguish. They also cried because finally Matthew got to grieve with Thomas, and that Thomas found some strength in knowing that Matthew needed him.