prom date | wroetoshaw

Ten Fourteen

This is a very sad warning IAMSOSORRY :( also listening to Atlantis by Seafret whilst writing this, I definitely recommend listening to it!

As I lay in my childhood bedroom, I counted the seconds right until it turned midnight, the day changing from November Third to November Fourth.

Eight years ago to the day, I lost my Mum, and even after all this time, it hurt more than ever. My Nan was probably asleep, Harry was more than likely to be asleep in the spare room too. I felt more alone than ever, facing the ceiling with the glow in the dark stars staring back at me. I stayed in this room the night before she died. Mum had dropped me off at my Nan's a week before, whilst she'd had to stay in the hospital. I was only fourteen at the time, and I didn't really know what was going on.

I didn't get told she'd passed away until the evening - my Nan had wanted to delay telling me for as long as possible. I'd just wished I was able to tell my Mum goodbye. But there was no changing the past, never mind how much I wished I could.

A knock on my door shook me out of my thoughts. I knew who it was, and the timing couldn't have come at a better time, because it was exactly who I needed. I managed to croak out a small, "Come in," and in a matter of seconds the door opened, and he quickly but quietly slides in, closing the door gently behind him.

He looks at me, his head tilting to the left, a small sigh leaving his mouth. "You alright?" He asks, his eyes not leaving mine.

Up until that moment, I was confident that I wasn't going to cry. But as I opened my mouth to reply, nothing came out. Instead, a single tear rolled down my face, falling onto my duvet.

"I - uh, no, yeah. I don't know," I whisper, shaking my head.

He didn't wait any longer, and he rushed over, carefully climbing onto my bed, wrapping an arm around me, letting me bury my head into his chest. "You can cry. Just let it out," he whispers, his free hand running through my hair, trying and succeeding in comforting me.

"I'm just...whenever I think I'm over it, it just hits me again. It's a constant pain, and every November that swings round just reminds me of it, and I can't get rid of the ache in my chest...I miss her so fucking much. I know I have my Nan, and you, and all of our friends, but there are some days where I just need my Mum. I don't even know if that makes sense, but I just...I don't know," I sniff, letting the tears roll down my face freely now, knowing there was no way of stopping them, even if I want to.

"I know. It's so unfair, life has been so shit to you, Lil. I'd take it all away, if I could. If it meant you were happy, I'd take it all, but life doesn't work like that, and it makes me so angry that you have to go through this bullshit," he tells me, still holding me close to him. "I hate seeing you upset. It breaks my heart, because I know there's nothing I can do or say to help ease the pain you're feeling -"

"Stay with me tonight?" I interrupt, breaking our position to crane my neck up at him, silently pleading he'd agree.

"Of course I will," he murmurs in agreement, letting me rest my head back on his chest. "I'll stay for however long you need me to."

***

I woke up in the morning with a sore neck, that I soon realised was because I was curled up against Harry, who hadn't even gotten the chance to get under the covers after our talk last night. He was still fast asleep, but I knew I needed to get up and see my Nan, so I quietly unhooked myself from him, carefully crawling off of the bed. It was still only nine in the morning, and I knew Harry needed his beauty sleep, so I kept the light off, tiptoeing out of the room, shutting my door behind me.