prom date | wroetoshaw

Drunken Confessions

"I have to say, I'm a little surprised you wanted me to come round," Freya says, walking into my apartment, shutting the door behind her. She takes one look at me and her whole face changes. "What the hell's happened?" She asked, touching my shoulder and walking me back over to my sofa.

I'm a complete mess. The wine bottle I'd started to drink just under half an hour ago was practically finished, and I still hadn't stopped crying. I was drunk and emotional, two things that never ended well.

"I've just made the worst decision of my life," I blurted out, starting to cry violently again. Freya looked taken aback, and I didn't blame her. I would've been too, if I could see me right now.

"Okay, well - do you want to tell me what's happened so I can actually help?" She suggests, and it makes sense in my head why she's coined the title of the Mum friend.

"Me and Harry both love each other but we've pretended not to for around a month and we've both been having sex in secret and today I told him I could never love him because hating him is so much easier than loving him but I'm just insecure after my last boyfriend and now I can't take back any of my words and I'm too stubborn to," I ramble, not pausing once.

Freya looks at me, her mouth open wide in shock. She doesn't say anything for a few moments, only speaking when I start to cry again.

"Do you want me to call him back here?" She asks quietly, and I shake my head vigorously.

"I can't see him. Oh God. You'll have to tell Josh I can't come to film for you. Oh no. I'm letting everyone down!" I wail, flailing my arms about in the air.

"Lily, stop it! Jesus, woman. Stop. You are not letting anyone down! I'm sure Harry won't even be mad about it. He's probably really worried about you, you guys have been friends for ages!" She encourages me, but I don't see it. At least, drunk me doesn't see it.

"He shouldn't be. He should hate me for the things I've said. I would hate me," I groan, starting to feel really guilty about my words.

"What...exactly did you say? Can you remember?" She asks, and I shake my head.

"Not really. Just that I could never love him, or something like that. I don't fucking know Freya...I knew I shouldn't have moved to London. I should've stayed in stupid Warwick, and none of this would've happened..." I say tearfully, all the while Freya is rubbing my back, still trying to comfort me.

"Do you want to come back to ours tonight? I don't want to leave you by yourself..." she says gently, and I shake my head.

"You guys are Harry's friends first. I have some friends that can help, don't worry about me. You should go back to Josh, and all your friends," I sniff, trying to focus on the table in front of me, but finding that it was spinning in very fast circles. 

"What, so am I stranger to you now?" She asks, trying to make me laugh, but I'm concentrating on not throwing up. "Lily, I'm kidding," she explains, until she clocks what's happening.

"Oh shit. Do you need a bucket or something? A bowl?"

I shake my head and read my head on my elbows, between my knees. "I'll be fine. I'm sorry for calling you, I would've been fine on my own. You can go now if you want," I tell her, but I can tell that she hasn't moved from where she was sat. Temporarily lifting my head up, I stare at her, and she stares right back.

"You might not know this yet, but I pride myself on treating my friends how I'd want to be treated. I'm not leaving until I'm certain you're okay, and as of right now, you're definitely not. So be quiet, do what you need to do and I'll decide when you're feeling better. Okay?"

"You're bossy," I moan, burping and throwing my head back down between my knees.

"Did you seriously go through a whole bottle of wine in under an hour? Is it that bad?" She asks, and I nod my head as best as I can.

"It's bad." I confirm, finally being able to swallow without feeling like I was about to throw up.

"Did you want me to talk to Harry in the morning? I'm sure you two will work through it. You guys have been best friends for a while, right?" She asks, and if only she knew the amount of shit we'd been through.

It was too much to recount, and also it was too personal to tell anyone else. The only person I'd tell...would be Harry. And he was the one it was about.

My phone started ringing, and as soon as I reached out for it, Freya interrupted.

"Don't you think it's a good idea if I answer it?" She asks, and the way she spoke made me think twice about disagreeing. I backed down, letting her take the phone, listening to what she was saying.

"Hello. Yeah, it's Freya. I'm with her. I know, she told me. Yep. I think so. Maybe in the morning, I'll tell her to. Try not to. It'll be fine. I know. Okay, yep. Great. Bye-bye."

She hung up the phone, and I couldn't tell what had been said from hearing just her.

"Was that him?" I croaked, turning to face her.

"Yes. He's still outside in his car. I told him it was probably best to go, and to text you in the morning to see if you were up for talking. Is that okay with you?"

"I'm not talking to him," I mumble, and I hear Freya whisper 'sure' under her breath. I don't have the energy to fight it, so I just sigh and leave it.

"I'll be fine now. I'm drunk, but not that drunk," I say quickly, whipping my head to look at her. She stares me down for a hot minute, raising her eyebrow.

"Are you sure?" She asks, still not budging.

"Very sure. One hundred percent."

"You'll call me again if you need me? Okay?"

"Yes Mum," I drawl out, taking the mickey out of her. She laughs at this.

"Fine. But I'm going to phone you in the morning. Just to see how bad your hangover is, and to see if you've talked with Harry. I promise you he still cares about you, Lily. You're upset, and things come out when we're upset. Just apologise to him, and explain everything. It'll make everything better, trust me," she advises, bringing me in for a gentle hug, not squeezing me too hard because we both knew that if she did, I'd probably spew everywhere.

"Thanks for coming over as quick as you did...I know we've only met once, but I appreciate it," I say, suppressing a yawn, and also trying to act incredibly sober in front of her. It was difficult.

"Of course. A friend of Harry's is a friend of mine. Plus, with all of that lot, it's nice to have more girls around. Whatever happens with Harry, you have all of us now. I'll add you into our little group chat, how does that sound?" She asks.

I honestly couldn't care less about any type of group chat right now, but I nod my head to appease her.

"Done. Text me, or text any of them if you're okay with them knowing about any of this, alright? You'll be okay, Lily," she coaxes, giving me one last hug, holding onto my shoulders and looking at me. She looked like she didn't want to leave, but she knew that I wanted to be by myself, and I was a lot calmer now than I was when she'd first come round.

"Bye Freya. Thanks," I say quietly, staying seated on the sofa as she climbed off, walking towards the door.

"I mean it. I will be calling you in the morning Lily," she said to me, and a few moments later I heard the door close. I was alone again.

The tears, which felt like they'd never even stopped, started again, this time falling much faster and more violently than last time. I think at this point it was the alcohol taking charge of my body, but I let it run its course, knowing I was going to regret it in the morning. I never really engaged with alcohol, having the worst hangovers the morning after. The morning after prom back in Guernsey had been...interesting, to say the least.

Since then, I limited drinking to nights where I was very, very down in the dumps, or for special occasions, and even then I limited myself to a certain amount. Well, not tonight.

I grimaced at the empty bottle of wine, not even wanting to think about the morning. Grabbing my blanket, I picked myself up off the sofa, trudging towards my bedroom where I collapsed onto my bed.