prom date | wroetoshaw

Mixed Signals

HARRY'S POV

My apartment didn't even feel like my own when I opened the door. I was welcomed by an unfamiliar smell, and I knew I was confusing it with Lily's. I missed being around her already, but I had to leave. It had to happen at some point because I would've stayed there with her otherwise.

"Harry? Is that you?" Freezy yelled from inside the living room, making me freeze in my footsteps. I was in no way fit for a proper conversation with someone right now - I was exhausted too. This morning had stressed me out, especially worrying about Lily on top of it too. The drive down from Warwick wasn't too bad, just boring with her asleep.

And then starting to unpack in her new apartment had worn me out too. That was partly the reason I'd left - if I'd stayed any later, I would've fallen asleep in her own living room, making it even harder to pull myself away from her.

"Yeah, it's me," I say with a sigh leaving my mouth. I park up my suitcase and chuck my jacket onto the sofa. He looks up, pausing the TV program he's watching so I can sit down next to him.

"Long time no see," he starts, cracking a lighthearted joke but it's now that I realise I haven't told any of them what had happened.

"Sorry. Got caught up in stuff with Lily," I explained, brushing off the real reason. It wasn't my place to tell anyone, so it would stay between us for now.

"Yeah, Ethan said. Glad you're back, though. Lux is fucking boring, he's barely come out of his room. I've had no one to play FIFA with, you know how painful that is?" He asks, smiling about it but I just couldn't get myself to smile.

"Harry? Mate, you alright?" He asks, obviously cottoning onto the fact that no, I'm actually not alright. One look at his concerned face is enough for me to crack underneath the pressure.

"I am so fucking drained, Cal. I don't even know where to begin to explain it, either." I sigh, the words out of my mouth - there was no taking them back now.

"What? Where's this come from, what's happened? Seriously mate, you need to tell me!" He encourages, his face literally begging me to open up to him. And so I do.

"It's Lily. The last few weeks I've been living a complete lie. I - we kissed a while ago, and she basically told me that she couldn't do a relationship right now, but that she liked me back. But also that she wanted us to be friends, which firstly, was a bit of a headfuck but I respected it because you know what? I love the girl. I love her more than I loved anyone or anything in my entire life, and it has been screwing with my head for so fucking long. I'd wait the rest of my life for her, I really think I would. I don't know why I'm even complaining about being drained, it's been worse for her -"

"Harry, Harry - slow down a second. Just wait. Let me get this straight. Lily is your childhood best friend, that you're now in love with, and she knows you like her, and she likes you back but you're both pretending that nothing has happened and are continuing to be best friends even though it's more than likely tearing you both apart?" He replies, raising his eyebrow at me. I could hear how ridiculous it sounded from the way he spoke.

"Okay, okay, I get it. But you don't know the details -"

"Harry, I'm not trained to give you therapy, or actual sensible advice, mate. If she makes you happy, then that's great. But if you're drained just from spending time with her, that's a problem."

"No, it's not - it's not that I get drained from hanging out with her. She's amazing, and you know that we've been best friends since forever -"

"I do know that yeah. You talk about her all the time," he interrupts, grinning.