Typical Secrets

T W E L V E

I wiped the tears away and grabbed my coat and took it on. I decided to take my coat off again and take a bigger jacket on because of how cold it was outside. Someone knocked on the door and opened it slowly while peeking their head out for me to see.

"Are you ready to go?" Benjamin asked, I nodded. I zipped my jacket up and got out in the hallway, grabbing my shoes and forcing my feet into them. I feel like I'm going to throw up or do I have to throw up? I don't know.

We left the house, it's usually quiet in the mornings because mom is at work and dad is sleeping after coming home from his night shift. I closed the door behind me and stepped away from our door, walking down the stairs.

When I got to the school I immediately got to class. I sat down and looked at the clock while desperately waiting for this day to be over. I moved on to the next class without saying a word to anyone. There was nothing to say. I looked at my pencil, the tip was close to getting destroyed.

Mr. Benson told me to come by his classroom because of the test I retook and he wanted to give me the results. When I was done with P.E, I went to his classroom. "Alissa, what a lovely surprise." He's such a depressing teacher. He didn't even let me say anything back, he just handed me the test.

Sixty-eight percent. I got a D+ and I don't know if I'm supposed to be laughing or crying.
"I think you did a good job, Ms. Hart." He said and it's the first time he has smiled at me. I nodded and thanked him while leaving his classroom. This was so disappointing.

I got to the cafeteria and placed myself at the table with the girls. I didn't talk much, I wasn't able to. I can't eat either, nothing feels right to do anymore. "Are you okay? You're quite quiet." Jasmine pointed out and Sophia nodded in agreement.

"Yeah. Yeah of course." I said and forced a smile. They nodded and kept quiet for a while but then went back to their conversation. Suddenly my phone was getting spammed with messages so I got it up from my pocket fast.

Hailey : Mom told me that you got a job. Tutor for the rich boy seems like you have money anyway.

Hailey : Are you that greedy that you couldn't send 20 bucks? Wow. After everything, I've done for you?

Hailey : Fuck you, Alissa. I did everything for you. I took care of you when you were a fucking child!

Hailey : I hope you die a painful death and I fucking hope I'm here to see it all happen.

I turned my phone off when I read that message. She's crazy, more than crazy. How can she wish death upon her little sister? Everyone in this damn fucking family is out of their minds. I put my knees up so they were holding my head.

"Why did you leave so suddenly yesterday?" Sophia turned to me and asked. I cleared my throat and looked down at her plate. Food, she was eating and she wasn't struggling with it or embarrassed about it. I wish I was able to.

"I got my period so I had to get a pad." I lied and smiled while knowing that it wasn't the first time lying to them. I feel so guilty, I'm a shitty friend. They would never do such things to me and I know that because I know these girls.

But now it feels like they don't me anymore. That hurts more than anything, I never wanted to let go of the friendship we have and I don't need to. But for us to stay friends, I'll have to tell the truth more often. I'm just used to lying all the time, it's almost the only thing I do.

"You could have just asked me." Sophia smiled and stuffed her mouth up with bread. For some reason, I couldn't stop looking at her eating.
"I will the next time." I lied again. This isn't going well; the whole thing about not lying, I just did it again.