Typical Secrets

T H R E E

It was Thursday today, which meant we were getting closer to the weekend. I was grateful for that, I just wanted this week to be over. I was still staying at Jasmine's place. I didn't feel like going home. Or I don't have a home. I've never felt home anywhere. When I think of home, I'm guessing it would be somewhere you feel comfortable and feel like you can be yourself. I have never felt like that anywhere.

You don't have to have a home. But I'm guessing it's nice to have someplace that you belong. I guess people have their own opinions. It would be a quite boring world if we didn't have different opinions. Like some things were bound to happen or be said.

I got up from the mattress I had been sleeping on and got up from the floor while I looked around. I saw the black-haired girl laying on her bed, she almost looked dead but I'm pretty sure she wasn't. I tried pulling her duvet away but she didn't care, she just continued sleeping which was impressive. I wasn't able to sleep without something warm on me.

"Jasmine, wake up, or else we'll be late to chemistry." I sighed and tried shaking her body. She didn't react to anything I said so I decided to pull my phone out and put my phone to her ear while my alarm went off and almost made her deaf.

"Jesus! Alissa!" Jasmine yelled and covered her ears with her hands. I laughed and stopped the alarm that kept ringing. She sat up and groaned. Her father was never home, does she never miss him? I have a very close relationship with mine. He's the only one that cares about me.

Speaking about my father, he had sent multiple messages during the days where I haven't been at home and that made me feel so bad for him.

Dad: Alissa please come home, we can sort this out. I promise they won't say anything again.

Dad: please just let me know if you are ok.

Dad: Are you coming home for dinner? Your mother made nachos for you.

I turned my phone off and took a deep breath, I should probably go back home. If I don't, the guilt will continue to grow in me till the day I graduate. Probably. Well, I just haven't felt like going home recently. Not after what happened.

Benjamin: Hey. I've noticed that you haven't been home recently. Just so you know, what they said wasn't true, and please don't believe what they said. I'm more than proud to call you my older sister.

I saw the notification pop up on my phone. Yay, more guilt! Fucking hell, it's hard to please everyone around you and yourself at the same time. Maybe it's just not possible, and I'm not sure that I can live with that fact. It hurts my heart to read those messages. I only thought about leaving for a few days because I was hurt. I didn't think about who I might hurt around me.

"Chemistry, you're saying?" Jasmine asked. I nodded and took some of her perfume while spraying it over me. I didn't have any clothes to change into and I refuse to let Jasmine help me. I would feel worse than I already feel now, knowing that I stayed over at her house.

"Yeah," I answered and tried making my hair look less fucked up. I hate having wavy hair, it's hard to look good when you don't have any brush or any sort like that. I guess my hands worked just fine even though it didn't look the same as a fucking hairbrush would. I sighed and pushed the insecurities away. I didn't have time to hate myself more right now.

When Jasmine was ready, we left the house together and went to school. It was a pretty fucking boring day with a boring schedule. We first had chemistry, then biology, afterward math. That was when I cracked down on my nerves. I was dyscalculia. The math version of a dyslexic. They never offered special help or anything like that. We were having a test and I felt like crying.

I was shitty at math. I always convinced myself that I was going to get married to a man that was great at math so I didn't have to take care of it on my own. My leg was bouncing up and down, my fingernails were scratching my neck. I was too anxious and I felt like I was going to fail.

I took my hair up in the air and waited for my teacher to yell my name out, but he didn't. So I decided to just say fuck it and get up while walking out of the classroom.

"Hey! Where are you going, Ms. Hart?!" Mr. Benson yelled after me. He was the math teacher, and also very annoying.

I sprinted to the bathroom and went into the single ones, not the bathroom halls. I locked the door and put my hands on the sides of the sink and tried to catch my breath. I wasn't able to, it felt like I was getting choked. When I started panicking because of my breath, it made me cry. I hated having these attacks so much, it ruins everything.

Someone started banging on the door, but I wasn't able to move a single inch of my body.
"Alissa! Open the door, I'm here with Mrs. Gomes!" Jasmine shouted. I held tighter into the sink and felt my chest heaving and aching. Mrs. Gomes was the best at anxiety attacks, and I knew that if I didn't open the door it would become worse for me. I forced my shaky hands to the lock and unlocked it.

Both of them stormed in as Jasmine locked the door behind her. Mrs. Gomes forced my hands up in the air as she put her hand on my stomach and whispered in my ear.
"Alissa, you're having an anxiety attack. Take deep breaths with me." She whispered in my ear and started taking deep breaths.

I wasn't able to at the start, I was too focused on crying and couldn't get my shit together.
"Sweetheart, I need to be able to feel your stomach." The teacher whispered. I reminded myself that her hand was on my tummy and she was able to feel whether I was taking those deep breaths or not.

I took those deep breaths a few times and then my body started calming down, but my hands didn't stop shaking. Mrs. Gomes continued with the breaths until she could assure that I was okay, which took a few minutes. She put my arms back down and hugged me.
"Are you feeling better now?" She asked.

"A bit," I answered.

"What happened?" Mrs. Gomes questioned Jasmine and looked between the two of us. Suddenly it was like I wasn't able to speak anymore. Jasmine looked at me and looked back down at the ground.

"We were sitting in math class during a math test and then she ran out and then I got really worried and that was when I called you." She explained what happened. I felt sick while thinking about it again.

"I'm going to fail," I muttered.

"You're not going to fail! I know you can do it. I'll talk with Mr. Benson and convince him to make you do that test once again. I will be sitting there to help you with the slightest, even if you feel uncomfortable." She told me and nodded to reassure me that she could help.

"How does that sound?"

"Good," I answered with a smile. Mrs. Gomes hugged me one last time before she told us to go outside for fifteen minutes and take a break until I felt comfortable with going back.

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Hey! How is everyone doing? I hope you feel well and that you have taken care of yourself like the fantastic human that you are! I love you guys so much.

The fact that I have had so many experiences like this is quite scary ( not during tests but other situations ) the reason why I wrote it in this piece is because you'll see a lot more into it.

Did you guys enjoy this chapter and what did you think of it? No matter what I hope you enjoyed reading! Please vote if you did, I know I keep writing it but it really helps me with seeing who likes these chapters<3