Embers || Ikemen Revolution || Sirius

Chapter 26 ~ Affectionate Kisses

I yawned slightly as I walked back to my room. It was already after midnight, and after a good night's sleep like yesterday's it was hard getting back into the groove of staying up so late.

It was only now that someone was able to take overnight watch over the soldiers. I had given them painkillers earlier, but I really hope they start to take effect immediately.

Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out a small notebook I fashioned out of some scrap pieces of paper. Here, I write down my quick thoughts on the day and some spell ideas I might have. Anything will be of use at a time like this.

Plus, my brain isn't as capable as Sirius'. I can't memorize everything about everyone and everywhere here, I need notes for these spells to make sure I don't mess up. As everyone here says, magic is tricky business. It's why even though it's used more commonly than at Earth, it isn't overly used at all.

"Emberlynn, you're still up?"

I looked up from my writing to see Sirius coming in with a watering can. He had abandoned his military uniform already, it was probably cumbersome to move around in.

"Oh, yeah," I said, slipping my notepad and pencil into my pocket once again. "I was taking care of the patients. They're doing a bit better than before."

Sirius nodded his head gratefully.

"Were you watering your flowers," I asked as I looked into the watering can. Almost empty.

Sirius smiled down at me. "Is it weird that I'm taking care of my plants during a war?"

I still couldn't believe that we're having a war.

"Eh," I said, as I thought about it. "It might be weird, but some people just have different ways of coping with stress," I reasoned. "Plus, it'll be nice to have at least something normal to do in a time like this. Just, to remind you that life will still go on. And that this will all be over eventually, you know."

Sirius smiled at me faintly, eyes warm with... something I'd rather not hope for. "I'm glad we think the same way," he said softly. "How's treating the wounded going?"

I bit my lip, looking down at my hands. "It's going well, the painkillers should be taking effect and making them numb, hopefully. Uh, I put them to sleep most of the time since I don't want them to feel the actual pain of the wounds. Or see it. It doesn't really look pretty."

Sirius frowned at me, gently grabbing my hands away from where they were scratching at my arms. "Little lady, you don't have to tend to the soldiers if you don't want to, or if it makes you feel uncomfortable, you know? It's dangerous to keep scratching at your arms like that as well."

I nodded my head, but I couldn't bring myself to stop. There was this one guy, he was hit with a magic spell that gave him tiny cuts all along his forearms. It reminded me of this one form of execution back in ancient China that we learned in school, death by a thousand cuts. And I just can't help but scratch at my arms, hoping to remind myself that it wasn't real. That that wasn't me. That I didn't have the actual cuts.

Sometimes I wish I had the actual injury instead of imagining what it feels like.

"Emberlynn?"

"Oh, right! Sorry," I said, pulling out of Sirius' grasp to hug my arms tightly. "Just, not a big fan of gore or blood, you know. But I don't want to stop tending to the soldiers. I really think that I can help them out, and a bit of discomfort is fine if it means they'll live and go back to their families!"

I couldn't help but smile to myself as I thought of the soldiers, going back home to their families. Losing my brother and mother had put a terrible damper on my positivity when I was young, to put it lightly. I had rarely smiled, and rarely laughed, until eventually, I decided that I needed to stop dwelling over it.

I can't stand another little girl losing her father or brother to this war, or a young lady losing her loved one. The one in a million. I don't wish that upon even my worst enemy.

"Hm? Sirius," I asked when Sirius didn't say anything. I looked up.

He was smiling at me, such a happy and sweet expression that I only realized how rarely he makes. His smile was always gentle and soft, but never this happy.

"Is something wrong," I asked, tilting my head to the side ever so slightly.

"Nothing," Sirius murmured, his hand sneaking behind my head, pulling me close.

I bit my lip to keep myself from making any sudden movements as he leaned even closer, the smell of soapiness seeming to drift my way. His fingers carefully tangled itself into my already messy hair. Before I knew it, he had already placed a gentle kiss on my forehead, over my hair.

"You're just so energetic, so positive, so sincere, I don't know how to handle it. No wonder everyone's so fond of you, Embers. You're like a flame in the darkness."

But that warm touch soon pulled away, almost too soon. I had wanted it to linger even longer, but at least that fuzzy feeling in my heart was definitely keeping me warm. Heck, too warm, even.

I looked up at Sirius with wide eyes. He just looked back, with the same carefree and casual smile he always had on, but there was a hint of vulnerability in his gaze that just appeared only now.

"Sirius," I faintly whispered under my breath, shock still coursing through me.

Hearing his name whispered from my lips, Sirius seemed to have broken out of his trance. He pulled away swiftly, standing a ways closed off. So many emotions flickered through his eyes, too fast for me to read.

"Um... I'm sorry," he said, not meeting my gaze. "That was... unintentional."

My eyes fell to the floor as a hand came up to the spot where his lips just barely grazed me.

"R-Right," I said, the only thing that came to mind, even though I didn't believe it.

Right, unintentional. Then was the kiss last night unintentional too? Just because I was half asleep doesn't mean that I didn't feel it, idiot. In fact, I like to think that I'm even more aware of stuff like this when I am asleep.

As I looked back up, searching Sirius' gaze, he still refused to look me directly in the eyes, instead, covering his mouth with the back of his hand as he stared off, as if in shock at what he himself did.

I hugged myself even tighter as I realized that Sirius was just going to avoid the questions plaguing my mind until I eventually give up. He's always like that. Avoiding things. No matter what it is, who it is.

Or maybe it's just me.

"Um, I'll head back to my room now," I said faintly, turning around and walking away. Sirius didn't come after me. He didn't make a move to follow me at all. Just stood there and watched as I felt all my uncertainty come crashing down.

Is this what being in love feels like? Is this what having a crush feels like? I love this feeling... yet I can't help but hate it at the same time. I hate how easily Sirius can break me in a million pieces with just a single word.

Normally, I always find the bright side in things. I find the sunshine where the sun doesn't shine. If not, I bring the sunshine over. Yet I can't help but wonder how this will end in disaster for both of us.

Behind my closed bedroom door, I fell to the ground, sobbing into my knees. Why couldn't I just let myself live my romantic fantasies through books? When I know exactly what's gonna happen? When I know that the main girl will definitely fall in love with her romantic interest? When I know that they might face hardships, but they'll always end up together.

Why couldn't I just live like that, instead of the constant fear that he's gonna reject me? Instead of the constant fear that I'll mess up, and that that'll be the end of our relationship.

Why can't love be simpler? 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

A/N: 

Poor Nova. Real love really is scary. 😢 

Word Count (not including A/N): 1423 

2021/10/27