They Don't Know About Us

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"I'm not flying in next week." I tell my mom for the 20th time, emphasizing the not just like all the others. It was early in the morning, Sunday now and I'd been to church and come home. Mass had been light so it was only 8:30 something. 

"Why not?" She whimpers and I tug at the hem of my dress, unable to tell her I didn't want to be with her right now. Right then.. "Do you not want to-" I cut her off before she can speak the words and my heart continues to shread itself from the inside out.

"Mom....Mere...." She'd had me calling her by her first name ever since I was in middle school; it was sposed to help me be completely honest or something. "I can't. It's not like I don't want to go and be there, it's just I really can't." My voice cracks and I'm leaning against the fridge again for support. I couldn't do it. I couldn't go and look at the marked soil where the earth had risen to swallow him up.

I can hear her soft sob on the other side and I know she's not just crying for him. She's crying for me and my lonliness. She's sobbing for the world, the one that doesn't even know what it's lost.

We let the silence comfort eachother before I break the still air but a deep gasp.

"I have to go-do homework and shopping and stuff...I'll call you later Meredith." My voice is soft and gentle as it lulls her back into the conversation.

"Dad misses you dearly. The check should've arrived yesterday. He's proud honey, he's proud..." She drones off into space and the tears salty tracks burn against my sensitive skin, whipped bare from the cold.

"Love you," We say together, just like we do every phone call, ever since I can remember. "Bye." I sink down to my now regular spot on the floor.

Whoever said time heals everything was the biggest idiot ever-not counting the guy who invented pop-up adds. But I mean seriously?? 

It'll fade away. At some point the pain won't be pain anymore, just a distant memory you can look back on whenever you need to, to remember that life goes on. Well let me tell you something-that's all bs.

Sure life goes on but what's the cost? Being miserable and crippled and so hurt and troubled that you're beyond repare. And better yet there's no one left to help you anyone.

That was it. What it was like to be stripped of everything and still none of those words can even capture the repulsive reality of it. Others have felt it too, don't get me wrong there, and had it worse but that doesn't mean I don't have the right to feel terrible too.

My mind continues its screaming and my hands knot together around my phone, trying to crush it. As if that would somehow make my brain shut up.

Stand up.

It's like a whisper in my ear, giving me the will to obey.

My fingers loosen and I check the screen.

3 new messages. Probably my mom, having forgetten to tell me something before we'd hung up.

I sigh and straighten my back against the cold stainless steel surface before pulling myself up. Unlocking the screen, I move over to the sink to take my flinstones sour gummy vitamins.

I stop in my tracks as I realize 2 are from Liam. I sholdn't feel this way though. I shouldn't have to try and fail to control the excitement that fills me. I shouldn't have been partnered with him in the first place.

We still workin' today?

It's ok if you have other plans. 

Nahh just relaxin allll day so whenever ya want. I scorn myself for not being more closed, more formal I guess. He is the closest thing I have to a best friend now though, I'm forced to realize as it pops up showing he's read the message and is now typing, but he shouldn't have acted so weird the other night then.