They Don't Know About Us

Chapter 9

You never realize how many choices you make in a day, how many go unnoticed and unthought-about. Not until you're sitting on the cold hard wood floor singing to yourself and wondering when in the world will you ever think to get up and move on do you realize how hard it is sometimes to make those simple decisions when given all the time in the world to contemplate them.

I'm half asleep by the time my phone buzzes.

I reach for it instantly, the slow steady heartbeat of sleep lost within an instance.

My face sinks as I don't recognize the number but I know one thing. It's not Liam's.

Liam.

My mind clicks back on at the thougth of him and I'm up off the floor in no time, brushing myself off.

You're stronger than this Courtney, better. But I feel the weakness of trust as I force myself to be reassuring.

Can I call you? The message reads and my eyes squint in confusion.

What?? Why?? Who?? My mind continues its pointless questioning as long after I've unlocked my phone. My thumbs do a little jig as I ponder how to respond.

Um Yeahh I guess-who is this??? My small fingers type quickly once I've decided what I'm going to type. My body aches in protest still and the rest of me joins in complaint.

I toss my phone onto my bed and arch my back in a stretch, the pop and crack of my muscles and bones not bothering me in the least. My alarm clock tells me I'd been contemplating the meaning of life half asleep on my floor for about a good 2 hours so it's after midnight now. Who would be calling me at 12:30?? As if to answer my question, my phone begins going off.

"Hello?" My voice is quieter than I'd meant it to come out so I clear my throat. 

"Hey." The british accent shocks me. It's not that I haven't gotten used to them yet but why would this one be the one I get to hear tonight? When I'm feeling like this?

"Harry...?" It comes out shakey again and I curse myself internally before pacing to my front door.

"Yeahh" He drags it out. "I'm sorry about tonight."

My throat closes as I stare out the small windows into the cold, unwelcoming night. I want to go out even though I am poorly underdressed. I don't even have shoes on yet still I want to feel the thin snow under my feet. It tugs at every part of me, calling me and my memories back. I blink, unwilling to relive that moments with Liam right now.

"It's fine." I say flatly, turning away and heading to the kitchen for some chocolate icecream and cereal. Cold, Cold, Cold. That's all anything is in the winter with me. Cold food. Cold outside. Cold sheets. Cold jacket. It shouldn't make sense to anybody because it didn't even to me but I went on with it anyway. I knew better than to break any routines let alone habbits; they're no fun to rebuild.

"No it's not." I wonder if he can hear the lie in my voice but doubt it, he doesn't know me that well.

Not yet.

"Let me make it up to you." Harry continues to beg. It makes no sense to me, the fact that he'd want to let alone think he had to somehow make anything up to me.

"No really, it's fine. You don't have to anything. It's fine." I repeat, trying to get him to give up.

"Coffee." He tells me and before I can tell him I don't drink coffee he continues. "Or hot chocolate or something-meet me at starbucks tomorow morning!" His voice is urgent now and I still don't get it.

"Your interview." I remind him, my tone still as boring and lifeless as ever. But it's just because this is Harry. Harry wanting me to go get icky coffee with him tomorow bright and early-perfect way to spend my morning huh??

"It just got cancelled because of the snow." 

"Oh." I stutter, wondering if Liam would want to work on math together. Probably not now....Either way our friendship goes now nothing can change; most of the teachers have figured out we're a good team so far and why split the match made in heaven. I laugh silently at my own thoughts.

He realises my pause and takes advantage of the silence, interjecting "Liam has extra rehearsal with Niall till 12 though so just meet me for breakfast-he won't be able to do anything until after that." I find it annoying how he repeats the last part immediatly after, sounding oddly urgent.

I sigh, wanting them all to just be pushed out of my life, to have never met them.

Is that what you really want Courtney? My begins its interrogation again. 'Cause if it is then you've been lying to me this whole time....

That wasn't what I meant though. If I could I wouldn't simply wish them away or even hope for a new life. I just want things different than what it has come to now.

"Fine." I give in. "9:30 sharp."

I can hear the relief in his voice as he thanks me. I push the end button immediatly after.

I'm unsure why I'm going to be doing this to myself. And my minds right-I shouldn't be lying here.I want him. Bad.

Liam James Payne.

I want Liam James Payen.

It seems like there's no way to go back now and yet somehow it still makes no sense to me how I could feel this way but still be so confused. I wonder if he's just as lost as me. 

And then Harry?? It made no sense why he was suddenly going out of his way to make this up to me. He didn't have to do this. I didn't want him to do this.

It didn't matter though; it wasn't something I could control. Nothing seemed to matter in my mind exept for the fact that Liam never left it anymore. And that wasn't something I could control no matter how much I'd tried.

I rub my temples in defeat, as if to massage all the violent thoughts swirling through my head. Putting my phone back with its charger I crawl into bed, savoring the warm contrast the blankets offer my skin. 

It's about to be Halloween

You could be anything you wanted if you were still here...

My mind begins its soothing and slow playlist as I settle into sleeps welcoming arms. Taylor Swift's Ronan has already wrapped up and turned into The A Team by the time I'm fully unconcious.

Date with Harry in the morning huh? Quite interesting I think! Haha well be sure to tell me your thoughts on this chapter please!! Looking for constructive feedback!! :)

<3 Oliviaa