Chapter fifty-four

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             Smoke's pov

"This is the longest it's taken to wake you from a black out." Tig says as Happy helps me sit on the couch.

"There's a reason. I saw and talked to Juice." I say.

"You know they say there's a reason for that." Chibs says.

"He's trying to tell you something or your telling him something." Happy says.

"Both." I say.

"What did he tell you?" Chibs asks.

"That it's okay to marry you." I say looking at Happy.

"He knows the connection." Tig says.

I then look back at Tig.

"I told Juice about Happy when Juice and I first got married. Told him Happy was my first." I say.

"He was your first?!" Tig asks surprised.

"I didn't see that one coming." Chibs says.

"Only Jax knew. He saw it for a while knew that it would happen. When he found out he wasn't even mad." I say.

After talking for a bit more Happy and I went home.

"I'll run a hot bath." He says rubbing my shoulders.

After we bathed an messed around a bit we watched a movie and had dinner. After cleaning up, I got a feeling to look at Juice's letter but I brushed it off and went to bed.

Dream


"I miss you Jax. There's times I feel I'm lost." I say.

"I know. I promise you, your gonna be okay. I made sure of it. You will always be okay sis. Everywhere you go, someone will always be there. Your never gonna be alone.  Your strong. You can handle anything thrown at you." He says.

"You taught me to be strong." I say.

"I did. You did get tough after that first son of a bitch laid his hands on you. You got tougher each time. You we're on the verge of being cold with everybody after that. Until you and Happy went out. He halfway healed your heart. Then after a few years, you got with Juice. He truly healed you but you didn't let your guard down. I know your a bit mixed up right now. Let Happy in Smoke. More then you ever have before. I can see your crazy about him but your afraid. Don't be. He truly loves you." He says.

I then bolt straight up. I look to see Happy awake.

"Baby? Are you okay?" He asks.

"I wanna go back to sleep but he may not come back." I say.

"Jax?" He asks.

I nod.

"You have been seeing him more then normal." He says.

"It's all I have left of him. It's so real but it's all in my head. I guess this is as good as it gets." I say looking away.

We both sit up and he kissed my head.

"It's his way of letting you know he loves you." He says.

She looks over at the clock.

"One AM. We should go back to sleep." I say.

We laid back down and went to sleep.

Dream

As I'm walking I see Juice.

"Juice?" I say. He turns around.

"I know you weren't expecting me." He says.

"In a way I was." I say.

"I watch you a lot. I just. I do it to make sure your okay." He says.

"I'm still in pain but I'm okay Juice." I say.

"Happy loves you. Let him love you like I loved you. He will protect you and that even means your heart." He says.

I nod.

"Where's our girl?" I ask.

"With Jax. I swear she's a mix of the both of you. She's perfect." He says.

"My walls are slowly coming back down. Hap has helped a lot." I say.

"I know, I see it everyday and it makes me glad. He loves you." He says.

I then woke up. I have to finish the letter. I got up, changed clothes, went and got the letter, put on shoes, and I went to the cemetery. I went to his an Jaunita's grave and sat down and opened the letter back up.

I know you probably stopped reading this. I know it still stings. Your an amazing woman. I promise you that everything will be okay. You won't be alone. Happy will take care of you. I've seen it. Your heart is safe. Things will be okay just trust me. I miss you Smoke. Don't feel you failed me. If anything, I'm the one who's failed you. If I could take it all back I would you have me so much love. Gave me hope. You made getting up in the morning worth it. You pushed and helped me through so much. You never gave up. Don't ever give up on love. Anyone is lucky to have you. Your heart is pure. As well as sweet. You bring out the best in everyone. Don't change. You deserve so much. Choose love and happiness. It's what matters. Don't let anyone change you. You changed me the moment we met. Made me better. So much better. You even made me a better man. Thank you for showing me love. What love really means. You healed me in many many ways. Changed me for the better. You made me stronger. Gave me something to believe in. Gave me something to protect. I will forever be great full that I had you. Maybe one day I can hold you in my arms again. Give you a better goodbye. Thank you for everything. Letting me see things differently, letting me see what a real woman is. Thank you for allowing me to love you. I will always love you. I'll never give up on you. Thank you for saving me. Most of all, there is one thing I want to thank you for. Smoke, thank you for calming the storm inside of me.
Love always, Juan.

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