Till The End

18

Warnings:
-Suicide plans/note and attempt
-Mentions chemotherapy

Clay's POV

Everything was relaxed like it was supposed to be a few days later. I was allowed to go home for a weekend since my biopsy was better than before. We would go to the next phase now, but I could have a break at home first.

Instead of being happy to go home, I was really upset and sad. I had panicked so much the last few days and I actually didn't want to feel this sick anymore. I still had the same plans as I had a few days ago.

I was standing in front of George who was sitting in a wheelchair. He wasn't allowed to go home since his cancer had been spreading a lot and so badly that I heard the doctors discuss amputation.

I knelt down in front of his wheelchair as he smiled shortly. 'I'm so glad you can go home for a little.'

I smiled sadly. 'I wish you could too,' I mumbled. I wanted to say goodbye to him since I was actually planning suicide and grabbed his hands. 'George, I started to care so much about you the last few weeks and I want to tell you that I think you're really strong. I hope you keep fighting no matter what.'

George frowned. 'Clay, this feels like a goodbye. I know you're feeling depressed and I hope you're not planning anything.'

I didn't answer and looked at him with a smile. 'You're going to do great. I love you.'

'Clay, no. Stop,' George mumbled, pulling me closer. 'What are you planning?'

'Nothing,' I lied. 'Anyway, I'm going now. Good luck!'

I turned around quickly and walked to the hallway to see my dad. 'Hi, Sapnap asked me if I could take a walk with him. Would you be okay with that?'

My dad smiled and nodded. 'Then I'll go to the cantina to eat a sandwich if that's okay?'

I nodded and turned around to walk to the door. I knew Sapnap was in the cantina so I had to be really quick.

⚠️ Suicide note/plans and attempt

I started running, no matter how sick and exhausted I felt. I wanted to do this, I had planned this all out and it would be ending today.

I ran outside, going to the road next to the hospital as I grabbed my phone with the pre written suicide note. I decided to send it to everyone as I turned back to the hospital one more time. Even though I really didn't want to lose George, Sapnap and my dad, I was too scared to continue.

I sighed softly as I looked at the windows and scanned the rooms with my eyes. A lot of the curtains were closed and one curtain seemed to be moving, opening a second later.

I looked at a boy who appeared in front of the window and-. My heart seemed to stop. It was George and he looked me right in my eyes with tears on his cheek.

He reached out his hand like he was trying to stop me and shook his head heavily as he formed a heart with his hands. The curtain closed again and I turned around to the road. I looked over it, seeing cars pass by at the speed of light. If I would jump now, my life would end here. Then I would be happy and healthy, then I wouldn't have cancer anymore.

I sat down since I started rethinking my choices after I saw George cry and form a heart with his hands and then sighed softly while tears filled my eyes. I just wanted to be happy, I didn't want to die. I wanted to escape this hell.

⚠️ Over (still mentions)

I sniffed loudly as tears streamed down my face and then I heard something behind me. I abruptly turned around and got startled as I saw George in a wheelchair with a nurse behind him. He had multiple blankets over him and still seemed cold as he let himself slide down his wheelchair to sit next to me on the ground.

'G-George,' I sniffed as the nurse walked off to leave us alone for a little. 'I'm sorry.'

'Clay,' George whispered. His voice sounded so incredibly weak and he held me tightly as he looked at me. 'I love you, Clay. I don't want you to go. I know cancer is actually so messed up, but your cancer cells went down by a lot!'

'I don't want to live in constant fear while I always feel so sick,' I cried. 'I feel like absolute shit at all times of the day, I HATE chemo. I hate how my life is now.'

'I'm sure there's something that can make you feel better,' George smiled shortly. 'You're so beautiful and I love your personality so much.'

We both had tears streaming down our faces and I looked at him.

George sniffed softly as he wiped his tears away. 'I don't want to lose you, Clay. I promise you I'll fight this battle with you.'

'Promise?' I asked with a soft voice.

'How can I promise you?' George questioned as he grabbed my hand. 'Do you want my beanie? Then you always have something close to you that came from me.'

I smiled shyly and took off my beanie, giving it to him as he gave it to me. I played with the hoodie in my hands and he put his head against mine, pressing a kiss on top of it. 'You're beautiful with and without a beanie,' he smiled.

'You are too,' I giggled I kissed his head too to make him feel loved and cuddled up with him.

'Sorry that I'm not too enthusiastic, I feel really sick,' George mumbled.

'It's fine, George. I know you feel very sick. I'm also not feeling well at all, I'm going to sleep a lot at home and I hope you'll do the same.'

George nodded and grabbed my hand. 'Clay, I don't want to lose you, but I'm scared to let you go now.'

'I promise you that I won't do anything anymore. I regret thinking like that, I don't want to lose you. We will fight this battle together till the end, okay?'

George smiled and rested his head on my shoulders as he closed his eyes. I held him tightly and shut my eyes too as we heard footsteps behind us. I looked at Sapnap standing next to us with a panicky face but then a grin.

'So I'm stressing the shit out of my life and you're just cuddling here?' he laughed. 'Dang, guess I'll leave again.'

George giggled softly. 'I'm exhausted now, I really want to get back inside.'

'I want to go home now, I want to sleep.'

George got brought back to his room and I said goodbye another time but this time with the intention to come back in a week. I also said goodbye to Sapnap and then went home with my dad.

1174 words

Summary:
Clay goes to the road to jump but then sees George look at him from his window while crying and he rethinks his choices