All that I Want

Goodbyes

Chase and I sit in the back seat of his car as his mom drives us to the airport. We hold hands and don't say anything, because we know what the other is thinking. This is going to be impossible, it's not going to be easy to make it the three weeks we're going to have to. He has multiple vials of blood in his carry on and checked bag, hopefully enough to make it until he gets back to me.
On our last night together, we had sex and stayed up late just talking about all the things we're going to miss about each other. We couldn't find one thing that we wouldn't miss, and ended up holding each other until we felt okay again. That hasn't come yet for me, but I'm trying to be strong, because he needs me to.
I lean my head on his shoulder and he quickly pecks it as I continue to dread being without him. Instead of him driving me to school, his mom would be. Instead of being in class with me, we'll be FaceTiming whenever our schedules line up. When I'm getting ready for bed, he'll be finishing up concerts and exploring the big cities. It hardly seems fair, we've been dating for just over a month and he's already being taken away from me for three weeks. I know it's his dream, but I only wish I could go with him. I have a feeling these bears aren't going to be enough to keep us from missing each other too much.
I take his hand that's intertwined with mine, pressing a gentle kiss to it. His mom was trying to remain collected in the driver's seat, but I could tell she was in just as much pain as I was, if not more. His dad couldn't make it for work reasons, but he made sure to say goodbye to Chase before he left.
She pulls us into the drop off point for travelers and they say goodbye before I get out of the car to join them.
"Are you okay waiting for y/n until I board the plane?" He asks her.
"Of course, sweetie," she tries to mask the fact that her voice cracked by coughing. "I'll be here," she smiles at me and I can tell she's trying so hard to keep it together for her son.
I nod in thanks before taking Chase's hand and walking into the airport with him.
"How exactly do you expect them to let me through security and everything to be with you until you board?" I ask in a small voice.
"I'm going to compel them," he shrugs nonchalantly.
I don't know if I can handle watching him board the plane and not look back, but I don't protest because I don't know I can handle not doing just that. The complexity of my emotions are getting to me, and I don't know what to think anymore. He walks up to his airline's booth and prints out his ticket and checks his suitcase in before rejoining me at the end of the roped off line.
As we make our way through the security line he says, "this is going to be so hard."
"I know," I whisper to keep my voice from breaking.
"I wish you could come with me."
"I know." It's nearly impossible to say anything else because my brain can't turn words into sentences anymore.
The head of my bear pokes out of his backpack and I try desperately to push it back in, but it won't budge. I sigh and give up, wrapping my hand in his again. The walk through security was silent, and when we got to the front of the line, Chase compels the security guards to let me in with him. As I follow him through the metal detector, it hits me that this is the first time we're going to be away from each other longer than a night since we met. We've become so inseparable and now we have no choice but to be independent from each other for three weeks.
Three weeks, twenty-one days, 504 hours, 30,240 minutes, 1,814,400 seconds. No matter which way you calculate the amount of time, it was way too long.
As we make our way to the gate he'll be flying from, I realize I haven't been paying attention and won't remember how to get back to the drop off point we left his mom at. I'm going to be lost in an airport as he flies off to a new time zone.
"I'm not going to remember how to get out of here," I admit.
He turns his eyes on me and I know he's compelling me when he says, "you'll remember how to get back to the drop off point."
I nod my head, knowing he's just trying to protect me.
We sit down at his gate and stay silent, knowing there's both so much and nothing to say at the same time but wait and enjoy each other's presence for the last little bit of time we have together.
He slowly pressed his lips to me and we start making out slowly, not wanting time to pass us by, but too soon, it's time for his plane to start boarding.
"I thought airport time was supposed to be slow," I joke with a forced laugh.
"Yeah, but it also makes time fly," he laughs at his own pun, but I can tell his heart just isn't in it. "Are you sure you're going to be okay?"
I nod my head, knowing if I said it out loud he'd know I was lying. "I love you," I pull him in for one last kiss.
"I love you too," he cups my face and keeps his forehead pressed to mine.
"Last call to board for gate thirteen," the attendant calls.
He smiles sadly, "that's me."
"Call me as soon as you land," I say.
"I will," he promises.
"Be careful," I call to him as he walks towards the attendant and gives her his ticket.
Right before he walks through the gate he turns back to me and mouths I love you. I mouth it back to him and he blows me a quick kiss before walking through the gate and the attendant shuts the door, blocking my view of him.
If he's going to be back in three weeks, why does this feel like the end?