The cursed wolf ✔(unedited version)

I'm busy, talk later

I went to all my classes upcoming week against my desire not to do so.

I sat in my classroom not hearing a thing that the professor said.

 I stared at the empty chair in which jane usually sits. I wondered how many classes has she skipped already. My eyelids felt heavy and my head was pounding.

I haven't slept very well lately. For more than one reason.

I should call her. Voice in my head repeated nonstop. I should check on her. Apologise maybe.

Since when do I apologise to people? Usually, I just tell them to fuck off and go about my day.

But now it's different. I shouldn't have said those things to her.

I should call her.

But she also said some pretty nasty things about me. Why do I have to apologise?

She should call me.

But she's not going to. I told her I'm not gonna help her. 

I should call her.

"Ryan, are you with us?" The professor's voice startled me.

"Yeah. Yeah, I am."

"Good. Now would you be so kind and answer question five?"

"Which page was it again?" I looked at the closed book on my table.

"Jesus, kid, if you not gonna do anything in class you might just not come."

" Sorry, sir. Won't happen again."

"I don't know what's going on with you lately, but if you don't feel well, you shouldn't come to class."

"Thank you for your concern, but I'm feeling fine." I lied.

The professor gave me a look.

"Get the hell out of my class, and get some sleep, kid," he said, not angrily but more understanding than anything.

I was not in the mood to argue so I stood up and left. I stopped outside of the classrooms door and stared at the phone in my hand.

Why are feelings so hard?

I sighed.

I should call her.

I hit call and pressed the phone to my ear. I listen to the ringing until it stopped.

Of course, she didn't answer me. Why would she?

I felt my phone vibrate in my hand.

It was a massage from jane.

I'm busy- the text said.

I stared at it.

Another buzz from the phone.

talk later 

I let out a sigh of relief. She did want to talk to me.

ok

let's meet later

I sent the text back but got no response. She left me on read.

sorry about the other day- I added.

I stared through the window at the trees. The branches now without leaves looked depressing. The autumn colours disappeared and nature was left with browns and greys. It was a matter of time until we'll have the first snow.

I could physically feel the way this time of year pushed me into another depressive episode. 

I didn't want to go back to the dorm. Not yet anyway. I felt useless there. I needed to do something. I needed something to occupy my mind.