Renewed

Chapter 10

2 months had passed since the breakup with Adam and since the start of my slight depression. I didn't cut. And thankfully I didn't or else I wouldn't be able to stop.

I scratched though. I scratched and scratched and scratched. In class, at home, in the shower, everywhere. Whenever I felt a memory comting back, or when my heart would ache, I'll scratch.

It helps. Its one of the only things that's bringing me through this heartbreak. I can't believe that after 2 months I would still be this way. I thought at least I would stop in a month or so. But.. 2 months..

Maybe it was finally time to let go.. The emotions, the memories, the pain, the love.

I slowly started by releasing the love, I started to stop looking for him in the crowd, stopped looking for him in the school or in the canteen.

I started to concentrate and talk to my friends more and to stop talking and talking about the breakup.

The memories. I saved his number, but deleted the pictures of kisses on cheeks (A/N: ooh Taylor swift reference), all his unglams and those love quote pictures that he sent me.

Started to clear my pictures, conversations with him, and to fill them all up with selfies of me and my friends.

The pain. By forgetting the memories and the love, the pain slowly eased as well.

I started to stop scratching and put away my terrible thoughts. And slowly, I got better. My depression started to fade too. So that was good. Right?

The emotions. Letting go the love meant letting go all my feelings for him. Which meant the kindness and caring-ness, basically the softness I felt towards him.

Everything needed to stop. And I needed to put an end to my sulking and suffering. It hurts but if I continue this way, he's going to move on while I'm going to be stuck here.

I sighed and turned to face Max. It was around 4 am? He was silently sleeping beside me. It was cute when he slept, he was so innocent and sweet looking.

His serious face all gone replaced by a peaceful expression as he slept.

I couldn't sleep, I had been having the same nightmare for a week now and I would sneak to Max's room because he always knew how to comfort me..

I would wake him up then immediately knowing what to do, he would make space for me, then when I lie down, he would wrap his arms around my waist and I would try to sleep.

My brother stays at home while my mum takes frequent trips just to see this new boyfriend she has.

I told my brother that I would go to Max if I couldn't sleep and surprisingly (being the protective brother that he is) he allowed me to go.

Of course, I would leave before 7 am just to make sure I wouldn't be late for school.

Do I like Max..? Maybe.. I don't know. Its kinda hard to like someone while going through the stages of a breakup.

Whatever it is, he made me happy. He's one of the best sources of happiness there are. And as a friend, I love him a lot. And I don't know what I would do without him.

I checked the clock. It was now 5.50 am. In about an hour, I would have to go. In about an hour I would kiss his cheek and leave out his window. In about an hour, I would have to get ready for school.

But for now, I enjoy the moment of feeling safe and happy. I enjoy everything I have at this moment.

And most importantly, I enjoy the presence of Max.