Freaks - S.S

I killed you and myself.

Diablo used to write letters to his sweetheart before they were in a relationship, now he's writing his last letter after she disappeared
(Here they have no children)

"I didn't think I'd do it again. The last time I wrote to you I was fifteen years younger and you were safely away from me. I was also terribly infatuated with you then you know? I loved you with all my heart, but you didn't notice me. You passed me in the hallway, sometimes you smiled slightly, but nothing else. I wanted you so much back then, I would have done anything. I wrote every day about how much I loved you with the hope that when I could laugh I would show you those pieces of paper and we would laugh about it. And then my "gift" came, and actually became more active. It made me hate myself, but it also allowed us to get closer together. Sometimes I was so sure of myself that I wasn't sure if it was still me. You always told me that you loved the real me. No silly gifts from God. You were there when I needed you. You defended me from others, even though I should be defending you. You were perfect just like I thought. There was no flaw on you, only I made one. How badly did I destroy you? I never even apologized to you for it. And I can never do that again because you're not here and it's my fault. My gift took you, you and a part of me and instead of making amends, I write my thoughts on a dirty piece of paper. How worthless is my life? You were the only one who could give it meaning and make me stop thinking bad thoughts about myself.
It was all like two sweet minutes of bliss that I ended on my own.
If I had the courage to kill myself I would, but I'm afraid I'll meet you on the other side and then we'll have to talk. And for that I think I need to stop being high first.
Or stop loving you."