Freaks - S.S

Normality

Floyd, sitting in prison, writes down his thoughts on normalcy and whether he will ever reach it

What is normalcy? Is it a real thing or something invented by crazy people to hide their imperfections? No one can really know what normalcy is, right? Not me, not my daughter, none of us. Not even Amanda, she doesn't know what it is. The things she does reinforce my belief.
Harley once, in a stream of consciousness, talked to me about this. She said that normalcy is the thing that allows us to forget about who we really are, to shift our problems to work or childcare or whatever else we dream about. I think this is true to some extent. After all, I have my daughter, the only person I want to live for, but it doesn't feel normal. I can't hug her and watch her grow up.
No matter what we do for others or ourselves, what we accomplish, who we are. All of these things will always be with us, the part that is not normal and adapted to society. It comes back when we feel happy. It's like a little impulse that suddenly pops into your head and destroys the whole order of things that you've managed to do.
It's really messed up, and I don't even know why I'm thinking about this while I'm in prison, but I guess I just realized that it's never going to make sense. Nothing I do will ever matter. Not for me, and not for the world. What I thought about when the witch messed with our heads and showed us what we really wanted came back to me now, and for one sweet moment I wanted it to happen again. I wanted power over what was happening, I wanted the power to hug my daughter whenever I wanted.
And then, the same day I thought about it, I was on the other side of the country again to defend people from more monsters, killing whatever got in my way in the process
This is unlike anything people thought of as social norms, It contradicted everything I thought I could accomplish when I followed someone else's orders.
I did the dirty work so that others could think for a moment that they were living a normal life
But that doesn't exist and I know it and everyone else will know it when it gets to them too.