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❝ it's a match made in heaven setting fires in hell overdue for your lovin baby, i don't want no one else aint no way i would do you dirty what you're doing to me?❞
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jae's pov 𝐚 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫.
i like the mornings. not those superficial times between nine and eleven, the real morning, when it's still dark out and nobody is out on the streets but you. i find it and it's darkness peaceful because i know that at the end of the absence of light, i can expect the reward of being the first one to see the sun emerging from its bed of clouds and rising from its sleep with radiant splashes of deep purples, glowing pinks- vibrant indigos.
it's been getting warmer outside, so now i have an excuse to get out of the house. running, or any physical movement comes as naturally easy to me and usually clears my mind but not today. no matter how fast i jog or push my body, i can't stop the thoughts of him.
am i selfish for wanting an answer? i pledged him time and i don't intend to take it back because i'm truly willing to wait.. i'm just scared that in the time that we spend on different grounds he'll realize our extreme differences. there are so many anyways, and i worry that being younger just puts me at a higher disadvantage- of course, it's nothing that i can change but i hate the fact that he's communicated clearly that he sees me as a kid. it's sort of strange to think about considering he's only older than me by a month and some years.. but maybe it's the fact that he turns eighteen soon and i just turned sixteen just before my junior year?
..if i could change that, i would. i'd change anything that even slightly maneuvered the way that he viewed me if it meant a better chance with him and i can't help but to rack my brain for my every imperfection; maybe my voice sounds a little bit too unsure, or too young? do i actually act like a 'helicopter parent', or am i too much of one? do i worry too much about him? would he like it if i dressed differently, talked different or walked differently? would he like it if i wasn't so quiet or so anxious around others?
what about me is even there for indigo to like- coming from a logical viewpoint? ...i like to think i have a little self esteem.
indigo and i haven't talked since that day- in fact, he's quieter than when i first met him. nothing can be withdrawn from his silent presence that gives a positive or negative connotation about whether or not he'll accept my feelings.
all i can do is wait.
i sigh deeply, gradually slowing down the pace in which i run to a casual walk as arrive upon my house. taking a deep breath, i can feel my chest aching with the burden of exertion as i give myself a moment to regain my breath, wiping the sweat off of my brow before trudging into the home that i felt the need to get away from just a mere two hours ago. i guess this is the part of working out i like- pushing myself to reach that point where all i can do is gasp for air while everything on my body seems to burn up. the tension that i receive from such activities pays off as well- mentally, but very much so physically which makes for a nice body i guess.
