if i were : karlnap

26. 617 | 610

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2|29|20

He vaguely remembers a moment.

It was during the worst time of his life. He includes Karl leaving to be a part of that time period. Before Karl left, though, Sapnap wasn't getting good sleep unless it was with Karl. With Karl, he could fall asleep easier even though all he wanted to do was cry.

Now that he thinks about it, he's pretty sure Karl wanted to cry too.

He heard Karl's phone ring and it made him stir in his sleep. It took Karl a while to actually answer it, but Sapnap tried his best to listen. He was so tired though, he barely heard anything besides mumbles and gibberish. He did hear Karl's sigh though, and now that he thinks about it, he remembers the crack in Karl's voice after Sapnap apologized and was honest with him.

Sapnap thinks that was the call about Karl's job, his current job. It makes sense as to why Karl wanted to cry. Either way, he was going to leave Oregon. Either way, he was going to leave Sapnap. He knows Karl needed that job; he's not that upset about him leaving now.

He's upset and angry about the day he left. Why didn't Karl just let him explain? Why didn't Karl tell him what the job was and where it was at? Karl told him they'd fly each other out to visit when they could; he should've realized the distance was drastic just by that comment.

Instead, Karl blocked Sapnap and could possibly still have him blocked to this day. Instead, Karl has decided to never reach out to him. He got what Sapnap has now, but he got it sooner. Sapnap was left to suffer. Did Karl think of calling everyday for three months? Does Karl imagine him and long for his actual touch? Does Karl miss his voice? Does Karl remember what he looks like? Does Karl miss him? Does Karl even have any speck of love left in him for Sapnap?

Sapnap does. Of course, Sapnap does. There's no getting over Karl, that boy has embedded himself into Sapnap's mind and soul. He's incomplete without him.

Is it the same way for Karl?

-

2|22|20

It is almost the end of February and it's cold. Thanks, North Carolina weather. Chris is sick, so MrBeast has asked Karl to fill in. He's slowly moving up and being seen more on the channel, which makes him hopeful and happy.

Their plan is to start with the cheapest food they can buy and work their way up. At the end, Jimmy, Chandler, and Chris—if he's feeling better—are going to eat a $70,000 pizza. Earlier, Jimmy went to record the pizza in the early stages of being made. Currently, they're walking to a food stall that sells a $1 slice of pizza.

Karl whines, "My ears are cold!" They approach the food stall and stand around while Jimmy goes to order. Chandler grabs Karl's head, placing his hands over Karl's ears.
"I'm warming you" Chandler states, though Karl already knows that. Karl smiles softly at him, "Thank you." Chandler nods, not letting go. They stand behind Jimmy just like that as he films the section of the video.

Then, they drive and have to walk even more for another food stall. There, Jimmy buys a $2 hot dog. After that, they drive to the next place, which is actually inside. Jimmy buys and eats an $8 burger there, and he notes that it is better than McDonald's.

The next place, Karl doesn't eat at. It seems like a quick and easy dine-in restaurant. Jimmy and Chandler eat $16 wings, and then finally, they are going to places Karl can eat. The next place i'd very different. Karl has to sit at the table with an iPad on his face. On the iPad is Chris on facetime; Karl's pretending to be him as Chandler, Jimmy, and 'Chris' eat $64 golden wings.

Next destination is a place with literal foods made with edible gold. Finally, Karl can actually taste and enjoy the food. There, they are going to eat a milkshake and sundae that are made out of edible gold.

They pull into the parking lot and climb out of the car. Karl wraps his coat around his body tighter when he exists the car. Jimmy locks the car and heads for the entrance, Chandler and Karl following right behind.

Until, Karl notices something—someone. A man and a girl near the entrance of the restaurant. He freezes, sucking in a breath sharply. Chandler notices him and follows his gaze. He wraps an arm around Karl's shoulders comfortingly.
"Is that-?" he asks gently. Karl squints, he doesn't wear contacts and he doesn't have his glasses. They slowly steps closer and closer, the man slowly coming into focus in Karl's vision. Karl chuckles and shakes his head, "No, why would he be in North Carolina? That was stupid of me to think."

Chandler shakes his head as they walk through the front doors.
"It's not stupid, you really l-" he stops himself. Karl furrows his eyes brows, "I what?" Chandler winces, biting his lip.
"You really care about him?" he offers. Karl purses his lips and nods.
"Yeah, I do. How could I not? He meant so much to me. Chandler, I really regret what I did. What if he tried contacting me? I was such an asshole, I should've been more considerate" Karl rambles.

Chandler places his hands on Karl's shoulders. He squeezes them reassuringly.
"You could tell him. You could try calling? You should tell him what you've told me" Chandler suggests. Karl frowns, but his hand moves to grab his phone out of his pocket.
"It's not that easy" Karl argues. Chandler nods in agreement, "But it's worth it to try. As long as you tried, that's what matters." Karl sighs, pulling up his contacts. He clicks on Sapnap's contact and then a realization hits him.

"I can't call him" Karl admits. Chandler frowns, "What? Of course you can, Karl. Believe in yourself, believe in you and him." Karl shakes his head eagerly. He wants to cry.
"No, no, I can't. He moved to Florida a while ago. His number is probably changed, I don't know why I never thought of that. Area codes are a thing, Karl. Way to go, nimrod!" Karl spits at himself. Chandler rubs his back. It reminds Karl of Sapnap.

"What about your friends from college? You could try asking them. You all were very close, I'm sure he still talks to them" Chandler suggests. Karl bites his lip, "They all moved to California actually, but Quackity gave me their new numbers. Quackity is the closest to him, I could try contacting him. I don't know if he'd do that, though. I'm sure I hurt Sapnap just as much as I was hurt" Karl mentions.

Chandler smiles warmly, "Give it a go?" Karl frowns, "Maybe. No promises." Karl isn't sure that's how he wants to go about things. What if Sapnap hates him? That would be so low of him to just give him a call out of the blue almost two years later. He can't just run into him though, Sapnap is in Florida and Karl has no clue where he lives. He especially can't roam the streets of Orlando looking for him. That's stalking and weird.

Karl sighs as he sits down at the table. He wonders if he's moved on. He hasn't seen him or heard him in what feels like forever. He misses it so much. He misses cuddling with him, watching cartoons and Disney movies, and waking up next to him. Karl has a reoccurring dream of them being together. They're happy in the dream. Karl wishes it were that way in real life.

He just wants Sapnap back.

He can't really say that though because he's the one that left. He wishes he didn't block him. He wishes things worked out and they did long distance. He wishes they were still together.

He never wanted to be a part from him, but that's exactly what happened.

Karl wishes he had him, all of him. He wish he knew what happened to him; Karl tried his best to help. It wasn't enough, though.

Karl winces, a frown forming onto his face. What if Sapnap is the way Karl left him? God, if only he could have kept both Sapnap and the job. Things don't work out the way people want them to.

Chandler nudges Karl and Karl forces a smile. These moments always happen to Karl, it's sad to say he's used to putting on a face for the camera. He's happy, but it's not enough. He's never going to be fully happy without Sapnap.

Written: 11/30-12/1/21 Words: 1475
omg i don't know how i feel ab the karl part bc i didn't want to be repetitive but like it's supposed to be that way idk SOBS

-moon ⎊