if i were : karlnap

22. 451

ψ

•|i|• Ø i+! ].[

The hurt from the past still resides, but Sapnap has Dream.

9|16|19

The room glows a light blue mixed with beams of tan due to the night sky and the lamp post outside of Sapnap's window. The sound of a fan hums from a corner in his room.

Sapnap stirs and his eyes flutter open to see Karl's soft jawline and round chin.
"Karl?" Sapnap whispers. His mind feels foggy, but he also feels like he's in the right place at the right time.
"Baby?" Sapnap's voice works faster than his mind. Karl slowly squints open his eyes; Sapnap immediately smiles fondly when he sees those pretty blue-grey eyes.

"Go back to bed, baby" Karl mumbles, pushing up with his hands so he's on his knees. He moves to lay down on Sapnap's chest, "m'favorite spot." Sapnap hums and nods, placing his left hand on Karl's back to rub. Karl lifts his head and smiles warmly. He leans down and presses a kiss to Sapnap's bare shoulder.
"I love you, honey." Karl assures, then presses a kiss to his cheek.
"I love those, and I love you, so much" Sapnap notes, a grin spreading across his face. Karl presses a kiss to his lips, then his cheek again, then his jaw. Everything feels right.

Sapnap hums and uses his left arm to pull Karl down onto his chest. His head starts to hurt, along with his chest. No, his chest doesn't hurt from Karl pressing down on it. It hurts because Karl isn't on his chest.

Karl sits up with a frown on his face.
"Why didn't you call?" Karl questions, gulping down a sob. Sapnap squeezes his eyes shut.
"I did, Karl, I swear I did. Everyday for three whole months until I gave up on the hope of it actually going through one day." Karl wipes tears from his freckled pink cheeks.

"Why did you block me?" Sapnap asks, "Or let me explain? I lied to everyone about what happened." He gets no answers because he doesn't even know it himself. Dream Karl won't have the answers.
"Just a little longer, please" Sapnap reaches for Karl.
"What, Nick?" Karl questions, his voice wavering.
"Come back to me, darling."

Sapnap's eyes open to an empty pillow. His fingers fall onto his mattress disappointedly. No one's beside him, of course; he's alone.

Sapnap sits up in bed and groans. He grabs his phone to check the time. 5AM, way too early for him to be awake, but he can't sleep now. He stands up from his bed and pockets his phone into his sweatpants' pocket. Then, he exists the room quietly.

He's sure Dream stayed up on call with George for hours, so he most likely went to bed only recently. He sneaks through the hall and down the stairs to the kitchen. He stops in his tracks once he makes it the the archway between the living room and kitchen.

It's not the same, he squeezes his eyes shut. He came out here for this not to happen, so why is it happening? Maybe he shouldn't have looked at the photo of Karl yesterday.

He opens his eyes and sees a glimpse of Karl in the kitchen.

"Happy birthday, Sappitus Nappitus!" Karl's bright voice echoes in Sapnap's head. Sapnap can see his bright smile accompanied with the voice. He sees Karl walking to the small kitchen from the dorm door.
"You already told me that, darling" Sapnap had mentioned. Karl pecked his lips and said, "No, I told you over the phone. That time was in person. You deserve to hear both."

What happened to them?
Sapnap wishes they could go back to what they were a year and almost a half ago. He loves Dream and his new life with him, but he longs for Karl and his easy words, pet names, soft kisses, and overall, his whole presence. If he could go back and change time, he would. He wishes he could be here with Dream, yet have sock padded feet trail behind him as he walks into the kitchen. He wishes they would belong to Karl.

However, that's not his life now. Karl's gone somewhere. He's living his dream without Sapnap. Those aren't Karl's footsteps. Karl isn't in his bed or in his kitchen making him breakfast. It's Dream.

"You okay?" Dream questions groggily, rubbing the the sleep from his eyes. Sapnap's eyes widen and he snaps his head to look at Dream. He nods eagerly, "Yeah, what are you doing up?" Dream chuckles, "What about you? I've been up with George. Laid down a while ago, but I just can't sleep." Dream moves to get a glass of water.

Dream's very different from Karl. Karl drinks soda and monster. Dream drinks mostly water. Sapnap sighs, he shouldn't compare. He frowns slightly, then smiles.
"You know I appreciate you a lot?" Sapnap asks. Dream furrows his eyebrows, "I appreciate you a lot too." Sapnap leaves to go to the living room.

"Wanna watch something until we both crash?" Sapnap offers. Dream chuckles from the kitchen, "Yeah, go ahead and pick one." Dream joins him in the living room and they watch Friends from the beginning. They do as Sapnap said; fall asleep on different couches with blankets over them.

Karl and Dream do have their similarities, though. Though he shouldn't compare them, he's glad they have their differences and little similarities. Sapnap believes it stables him.

Dream helps Sapnap fall asleep when he can't. Just like Karl did when Sapnap shut down.

Written: 11/26/21 Words: 933
woah that was sobs

-moon ⎊