Air Conditioning

Of Course.

I was right.

It took a long time
For it to even matter
However

I was right.

You were in that loop
Or rather, on the edge of it
Just looking for something new
Someone who felt the same about life
As you.

Someone drowning, but
Preferred to dive instead of swim
Feeling their lungs burn
More and more
Every time they go under.

You left me for them.

I used to care for them, and now
It's hard to care.

If they died tommorow, would I feel remorse?

If they were hurting, would I reach out?

I don't know anymore.

After all, they helped you hurt me.

They knew about me,
They knew they could get out while they could.

They knew they had a chance,
When they have the same
Emotional habits
As me.

Overattachment.

It's probably not surprising.

These poems illustrate my
Stupid undying conviction.

You hurt me. You hurt me. You hurt me.

And I know at this point there's no denying it

You're bad for me. You're horrible for me. I shouldn't let you hurt me anymore, I shouldn't give you the chance too.

It's already too late.

Three weeks apart? A month?
I wasn't better.
I wasn't prepared to let go.

So you took advantage.

You found out you don't like
The drowning girl.

Or,
You ruined things through
Your own conflicting actions.

You had been with her
Long enough to practice
Drowning for yourself.

Nicotine withdrawals.

It's hard to stay complacent
I don't want to make you mad.

Because you already took me back
Into the warm arms and deadly claws
Of your horribly happy beartrap.

Deathtrap.

If you leave me again, it might be one.

The thought makes me cry, here and now.

I'd relapse, I'd hate myself, I'd go days without proper eating habits and filling my skin with new scars.

And I'd take you back.

You hurt me over and over
And I try to get used to it.

But I can't.

You left me for someone else.
You'd left before, but not like this.

It took less than three weeks
For you to offer your bodies to each other.

I was your first,
But I didn't know I wouldn't be your only for what feels like such a short time.

I feel alone.
Even when I'm with you, I feel alone.
What kind of relationship is that?
Huh?

A horrible one.

One that's bound to hurt.

I know it's going to hurt. I know it does now and it will keep going, going, never taking a break or a moment to give me time to heal.