Air Conditioning

Again.

Here we are again
Or am I alone in this?
I'm facing this fear again
Wondering how you feel.

You aren't good at communication
When it comes to your emotions.

We speak a different language.

The world feels like it might fall apart.
Again.

You always,
somehow,
make me feel this way,
my love.

I've loved you longer
Than anyone who isn't dead.

I will love you till the day
One of us passes away
And there's nothing you can say
To sway my conviction for you.

I know I'm cliche.

I hold that title in my hands
It's surprisingly heavy.

I want to believe in
Til death do us part
But I have this feeling in my gut
Saying you don't.

Saying you're in the same loop
Losing feelings yet again
Because I'm just a boredom reliever
And you got a stronger prescription.

I know I'm boring.
I always have been.

I try so hard to be good for you
To be better for you
To be the best for you.

But games are
so much better
at catching your attention.

I wish that was an analogy.

Give me your attention, please.

I feel like I'm unwanted again.

You've hurt me this way before,
And I wish I could say I've gotten better,
But I haven't,
So please..

Please reassure me?

Please tell me you love me
Until your lungs give out.

Please hold me close
Until my parents yell
And burst our eardrums
And maybe even hold me longer.

I don't know if it would help
But right now?
I'd take anything
Because you're not here.

I wish your hoodies
Were better at
making me feel closer to you.

But they aren't.

They don't help much.

The memories of you do, though.

I remember you
cradling my cheeks as I healed.

Letting me lay on your lap
For hours.

Kissing me for hours
Like we were the last ones in the world.

Please give me that again
When you get back.

Please reassure me with your presence.
Please reassure me with your words.
Please reassure me with your actions.
Please reassure me with your emotions.

I need reassurance..

I don't know if I can go through
feeling like I've lost you
Again.