I cannot send you what I wish I could.
Something you mentioned
That you stated you shouldn't have said
Is running rampant in my mind.
You know everything about me.
This much is true,
Because not only do I love you
Faithfully enough to never lie,
But I never find myself wanting to.
I never have hidden anything from you.
I don't want to start now.
But you mentioned something
You "shouldn't have said"
And now I know that you can't say
That I know everything about you.
You choose to hold your emotions
Too deep for anyone to witness
And I have respected that endlessly.
But this thing you said,
That you "shouldn't have said",
That is "a bad idea to talk about",
Is worrying me.
I don't know why
I feel like I'm choking down my worry
Pretending, as per usual,
that I don't mind.
That you can keep things from me.
That it's okay
that you don't want to talk.
I tell you everything
Because I want you to know
What you're getting into
When you love me.
I want to be completely transparent
I want you to see me for who I am
Not who I want you
To think I am.
But what if you can't say the same?
What if you've been hurting
And I have just been ignorant to it
Because you choose not to tell me
Even though I would never do that.
I want to tell you
every little thing on my mind.
I wish you could say the same
But I know it's hard for you
Someone who's been hurt
By someone they trusted.
I know it's hard, and I know it's wrong.
It's wrong that I feel so betrayed by something like this.
It's wrong that I feel like
It's my fault that I don't know.
It's wrong that I blame myself
As if I did something
That makes it so
You feel like you can't talk to me.
I want to be the person you can talk to
I want to be able to hear you vent
I want to be there for you
I want to be trusted
But I feel like there's nothing I can do.
I'm helpless here.
I'm so useless.
I don't know as much about you
As you do me
And knowing all of someone
Can make them boring.
Am I boring in my transparency?
Too normal to be worth it?
Am I really all those worlds away
From being someone who
You can be transparent with
Because you love too faithfully to lie?
What am I to you?
YOU ARE READING
Air Conditioning
PoetryVent poetry It's frowned upon putting your heart on your sleeve with such a weak code like a three number pin. For both of our sakes I hope you aren't the type to spend your time digging your claws in and working to decode someone else's words an...
