Is what it feels like,
To look at you or be around you.
I force any feeling I might have to my toes, as deep as I can get it,
And I move through that lack of feeling with practiced non-ease.
I would say it's easy, but it's not.
It is second nature to me at this point,
In that I can do it without any noticable effort,
Yet it drains me.
I have practice forcing emotions away from myself so that I can pretend I've forgiven people (until eventually I truly forget the feelings ever existed).
But it's not easy.
It drains me to look at you and force anything that comes up back down.
And when persistent emotions like anxiety
Or bad habits like overthinking
Rear their ugly heads,
I force it as far away as I can,
And then comes the static.
It buzzes, a general feeling of unease surfacing from my suppressed emotions,
And it fills my brain with senseless noise,
But at least senseless noise can't pour out of my mouth.
If I do express emotion, I look away from you while doing it.
This way, I know I'm not trying to subconsciously sway you,
Or remind you of what you've lost by looking you in the eye.
When I let emotions escape, I try to keep them away from you,
Yet there's a magnetism I can't explain.
My numbness already hurt you once today.
I wonder how many times until you get tired of it.
How long will it take?
YOU ARE READING
Air Conditioning
PoetryVent poetry It's frowned upon putting your heart on your sleeve with such a weak code like a three number pin. For both of our sakes I hope you aren't the type to spend your time digging your claws in and working to decode someone else's words an...
