Air Conditioning

It's all I can do.

"You look like you'd rather not exist, even when you're with me. Like you're going through the motions."

It's not easy for me lately, probably due to the higher workload,

But hey, one can only bleed for so many days straight and have a sinus infection for so long before they get a terrifying visual acephalgic migraine, I guess?

I need to try harder, to do more, but

I'm so, so tired.

I'm getting a kitten, a companion, and I'm hoping it'll help more than hurt to have him around.

Though it was tempting to make his name a tribute, I decided to name a storm grey kitten Gale, later Gael, after the dark souls boss (because why not?).

Maybe he'll be able to bring a smile to my face on my dark days,

And get me out of bed to feed him even when I wouldn't have fed myself.

Despite my changes, I don't pass yet,

I'm sure if I made it even harder to breathe by binding it would be a bit better,

But the facial hair should do that for me eventually.

It's hilarious when my father asks me why I plan on voting Democrat,

And then "subtly" blames me being trans on a brainwashing democratic agenda sent through the teachers of the Texas school system?

When I stop thinking about the heart ache, I just think about how much I miss talking to you.

Emotions are hard and I've been running on fumes when it comes to them lately, I'm sorry,

But I can try and tell you some things to make you laugh, or maybe bittersweet smile, and hope that's enough.

It's all I can give.

You, with your crazy unwavering faith, and past wild proclamations of insane amounts of affection I don't deserve,

You confuse and baffle me, and I think you will always.

Has it gotten easier yet?