Don't Be Afraid To Love

Chapter 21

The next day, I felt like I needed some time to myself to contemplate what to do next. I realized it was I who needed space, not Robert.

I had the most amazing time with him the previous day - it was almost like a fairytale - but I couldn't stop thinking about what he said when I asked him why his mother-in-law didn't like him.

He texted me in the morning saying: "I would love it if you stopped by today."

I really wanted to go, and yet something was holding me back. I didn't know whether it was my intuition or what, but something told me I shouldn't get more involved than I already was.

And then I thought about the touch of his lips on mine, his strong embrace and his warm voice, and I realized I couldn't say no to his invitation. I wouldn't.

So, a few hours later, I reached his apartment. I didn't text him to announce him. I was arriving because I wanted to be a surprise.

The parking spot next to his Kuga, which I usually found empty, was now occupied by a black Mini Cooper, so I had to search for another spot further from his block. I found another spot about 200 meters away, so I walked the rest of the way back to his place.

I entered the block and rang the doorbell when I reached his apartment. I was already grinning happily knowing I was just about to see him - I had already missed his beautiful green eyes and his contagious smile.

I was about to open my mouth to say 'Surprise,' but I closed my mouth instead and cleared the smile off my face when the door opened, and it was I who was the one being surprised.

I suddenly felt a strange unpleasant sensation in my whole body. And I knew what it was: my intuition.

At first, I thought I got the wrong door, but it was impossible since his apartment was the only one on the ground floor.

"Can I help you?" The woman who opened the door asked me.

I recognized her from the restaurant and from the night I went to the roof party where I saw her talking to Robert after he left the party. It was Carmen, his co-worker.

At that moment, all I could think of was that what Robert's in-laws said about him regarding having women into his house was actually true. And maybe Carmen and I weren't the only women he was sleeping with. I mean, he was single after all and free to do whatever he wished, but it was still inappropriate if I thought about it.

"I'm... I think I got the wrong door," I babbled and hurried to leave the building.

I walked in a fast pace to my car - I almost ran - because I wanted to leave that place as fast as possible.

I hadn't felt that much betrayal even when I found out John was cheating on me after one year of us being together. And it was weird because Robert and I weren't even in a relationship - so technically he wasn't cheating - and yet the pain I felt was much greater.

I knew I was hurt because of my expectations, since somehow I felt that if we had sex we were unofficially together - which was a stupid thing to believe - but even so, I couldn't even describe in words how disappointed and miserable I felt.

I got into my car, started the engine, hit the gas pedal to the floor, searched for my pack of slims and lit one up as I drove off, my fingers trembling with rage as I held the cigarette.

I couldn't understand why the hell he even texted me to go to his place if he had entirely other plans. Was he so sadistic that he called me there even if he knew he was going to see another woman? Who would do something like that?? Or maybe the text he sent to me was meant to be sent to someone else. To Carmen.

I knew it. I knew the time I spent with him the other day was too good to be true. And I was so stupid! I mean, I was usually stupid when there were feelings involved, but this time, I was crossing the line with my stupidity.

*****

It was Monday morning, and I had barely slept that night. I woke up at around 6:30 and went to the gym I used to go to in order to see if they reopened. Sadly, they hadn't.

I felt the need to exercise so that I could somehow get my mind off what happened on Sunday, so I went for a run in stead.

I didn't go to the park because I was afraid I could meet Robert there and I didn't want to face him just yet, so I ran a few blocks South, and then back to where I left my car.

When I arrived at the office that morning, my boss wasn't in, but I received a text message from her:

"How is your task regarding Mr. Thompson going? I won't be here this week, so I'll need an update from you."

"I haven't actually talked to him yet, but I'm on it," I wrote back.

"The clock is ticking, Diana," Margaret replied shortly.

"I'm going to need more time. It's not that simple. We're talking about convincing him to buy one of the most expensive houses on the market, not a piece of furniture."

"You have until Christmas. That's it."

"What's in it for me?" I wrote.

"You mean, besides getting to keep your job?"

"If I pull this off, we're talking about achieving the bonus for the whole semester, and then some. So, I want a raise. And a new car."

"You don't get to negotiate, dear!"

"I'm starting to get to know Mr. Thompson. I will soon be able to manipulate him. I've already befriended his little girl. If I get her to like the house on Jasmine Alley, the deal is as good as closed."

"If that's so, then we'll discuss money afterward, don't worry. Keep me posted," Margaret wrote.

That whole exchange disturbed me completely. I wasn't sure I even wanted to try to tell Robert to consider buying a house like that, let alone manipulate him into doing that - I could never do that to someone - but I had to lie something to my boss so she could back off for a while.

Speaking of Robert, he texted me that day asking me how I was doing and letting me know that Andreya loved the garden we made for her, but I ignored him completely. I didn't want to talk to him yet. I had a jealous nature, and I just couldn't get over the fact that I saw Carmen at his place the other day. Maybe she was indeed his girlfriend, and I was just a one night stand or something. Maybe he was cheating on her with me.

Whichever the case, it was all wrong, and I was too upset to text him back or to talk to him at all.

He called me that evening twice, but I didn't pick up. I was going to have to talk to him eventually, but I wanted to wait a little longer until I composed myself.

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*Selena Gomez - Sober*