Don't Be Afraid To Love

Chapter 40

Christmas came and passed really quietly and eventless. It actually helped me relax and recharge my batteries. I really needed a quiet period of time to give me the chance to clear my head and to help me gain enough energy and strength for my new job.

I managed to finish my interior design course right before Christmas and obtained a certification that was going to help me find a job in the field much easier.

My mother was very happy knowing I was finally going to do something I liked, and she stopped lecturing me about trying to have the perfect career and get more money. She finally understood that it wasn't the money that made me happy, but doing what I liked.

She also understood that I couldn't possibly try to force myself to love someone, so when I told her I decided to be just friends with John from that moment on and that there was never going to be anything else between us, she wasn't mad anymore. She accepted it and wished for me to find someone I truly loved and who actually loved me back the same way.

John wasn't as happy, on the other hand. I told him it was best if he stopped dropping by my mother's. It wasn't fair to him to let him create false expectations from me by letting him come visit us for the holidays because the truth was that I was never going to love him. My heart was shattered to pieces, and it was going to take a long while until it could heal completely and be whole again so that I could be able to give it to someone else.

                             *****

Maria called me quite a few times, insisting for me to confirm my presence at the New Year's Eve party. I was going to love it, she promised. I accepted to go - I didn't know if I actually wanted to, but at least I wasn't going to be bugged by her regarding that subject any longer.

I realized I would have to buy something to wear for the party because my wardrobe was mostly filled with office outfits, and it was a scarce of party dresses. Maria told me the party was going to be held at the same restaurant she had her wedding at, which meant I had to buy something really elegant.

It was already December 29th so I had to hurry and go shopping for a dress, because the last two days of the year were probably going to be even more crowded and I wanted to avoid that.

I also had to go empty the rental apartment I had stayed in and remove all my remaining stuff - I hadn't got the chance to take quite everything back to my mother's. The deadline was until the end of the month, so I wanted to get it off my head. So after I went to the mall, I was planning to get all my stuff out and turn in the keys.

The mall was swarming with people. Everyone was doing their last-minute shopping. There were nicely decorated trees everywhere I looked, and Christmas songs played nonstop everywhere I went.

It used to be my favorite time of the year, but now I couldn't help but think how perfect it would've probably been for me to spend the holidays with Robert and Andreya.

I shook that thought from my head and focused on the task at hand, which was to find a nice evening gown. Not too fancy, but not too simple, either. I wanted to at least feel good on the outside because on the inside, I was wrecked.

I entered a few stores and browsed through the hangers, but nothing caught my attention. I entered another store - this one was a little fancier - and started to look aimlessly at the gowns. I wasn't even sure what I was looking for.

I found a long one-shoulder dress. It was black and I thought it would go well with my red heels - the ones I bought with Cristina a while back.

I laughed at the memory, recalling Cristina telling me those shoes would get me more clients. And then I remembered that the first time I wore them was when I was showing Robert one of the houses he chose and it was the second time he kissed me.