sex therapy || chanlix

#17 reticence

'is he the one i couldn't be for you..?'

•:*✿.': ✿.︎-*✿.;.✿': ✿.︎-*✿.:•

pain, distress, wretched, grief, distress. any amount of pain forced onto a simple breathing mortal who lay foot on this planet, was forced onto the shoulders of an innocent, delinquent none other than felix. he'd question to himself, 'why me?'. out of all the other specimens that scarred around earth that did nothing but wrong for a living, why him?

this was reality. he wasn't in chan's arms- that made him forget about this pain and envelope him in comfort. no, this was reality and it's consequences he was faced before.

at that moment, his constrained tears pressurized the numbing pain of anxiety he held onto. he'd just wanted all of this suffering to come to and end. a permanent rest from all these uninvited feelings which he'd never asked for, yet was constrained to manage with. what did he ever do to deserve a state of grief which never had a consistent end to? he had hope, as of all of them was one of his ambitious attributes, but this so-called hope, remained inconsistent however.

for he, was in fact, human.

it's for his betterment, that he never carried constant hope since it would be unhealthy to his pride, but that was it. he carried almost too much hope. a void of it just leaving him feeling empty when these hopes of unrealistic expectations were never matched to. but who was he to blame none other than himself? he created these hopes, and should be responsible for his wild ride of emotions when the expectations weren't his reality. but was it all worth when it was just..shattered? every single time.

he'd ceased these thoughts and emotions, only for him to tune back into reality and face the teary eyed female he was faced with. she too, was battling tears but not as hard as the brunette who was on the verge of hyperventilation. everything was overwhelming at that point. just seeing her in the condition itself, made it hard to force away the prickling tears of agony.

blinking a few times and wetting his eyelashes, he cupped her cheeks with shaky hand movements.

"y-you're kidding right?"

she knew. she knew her boyfriend was the one to deny. he'd stay stubborn, yet take everything in his will to never accept how true it is.

an escaped sigh blew against her dry scaled lips, which were just shrivel from dehydration- probably from the loss of her own tears, which felix probably wasn't even there to witness.

"i wouldn't joke about something this serious, felix."

she admitted, her voice more stagnant than the leaking water from their kitchen sink. she sounded tired and hoarse- all just adding up to the amount of weeping she'd probably done without the brunette even noticing. she'd accepted it, but knew it would take time for her stubborn boyfriend to do the same.

just because it's not easy to accept, doesn't mean it can't be accepted.

inhaling a long sharp breath to maintain himself, felix gulped dry saliva down his throat in hopes of the lump to dissolve. it didn't.

he'd remind himself to stay strong and that he could do this, multiple time whispering words of encouragement to himself. but this form of encouragement wasn't the one that arose from self love, but rather dripped in deprivation.

"you can't just..leave."

expecting the male's behavior, seoul-hee reached out to the hand cupping her cheek and pressed it against her palm, "it'll only be for a little while.."