sex therapy || chanlix

#34 diffidence

six.
•:*✿.': ✿.︎-*✿.;.✿': ✿.︎-*✿.:•

"our moments are repetitive."

"the memories we share, are now played like a broken record, circling my mind and thoughts..it's as if we aren't the only characters of our own stories..i feel as if there's more into it, than just us."

biting on his lip, seungmin chose to stop ranting continuously on words he couldn't frame. his gaze was now attached towards the therapist, the soft abrasion of scribbles heard from the pressure of her pen on the notepad she held.

"so you're telling me..you've been stressing yourself these days, because your mind is clogged with memories of you and your boyfriend?"

seungmin nodded, feeling indecisive on the inside. was talking about his feelings even worth it, if he wasn't understood?

"...but you also have the urge to push your boyfriend away, at the same time, disregarding the fact that he is the person you're dreaming about?"

now that the brunette had a visual perception of his thoughts, he slowly began to realize why he was misunderstood. in fact, he was misunderstood himself. the trust of his feelings began to sink, like as if he sounded a maniac for pushing away, yet desperately wanting the same person to seek comfort from.

in all honesty, he had no idea of his emotions, and though he could secure them away and hidden, this time it was different.

unknown to whether it was out of impulse, or a random urge to lash out at his boyfriend and go near to physical harm, he started to ponder where all this anger was fueling from.

but of course, he couldn't store his feelings away, not now, especially when he was so close to physically hurt his lover. that's why changbin suggested this therapy session.

yet, since every second ticked by, he was nowhere near a conclusion to a source to all his frustration.

"well..this is definitely different than the couples i've dealt with, but i can give you my opinion on whatever you're going through.."

readying himself, seungmin was keen on hearing every word she spoke.

"maladaptive daydreaming." she continued;

"i think you're in love with the version of your boyfriend you've created with your own little mind, and getting frustrated when realization of reality hits you- proving that the boyfriend you have now, is nothing like what you've dreamt about."

seungmin instantly began shaking his head, his eyes falling wide as he absorbed every word she said, "n-no! i still love him, i just—"

cutting him off, she placed a comforting hand on his palms, massaging his knuckles as her eyes secreted pity. "does he not treat you as good as he did before?"

"maybe both of yours' love is dying out and—"

"no!" seungmin snapped, retreating his hand back with a tremble of his breath. he didn't like how he was treated as some wounded animal that needed fixing or craved sympathy and pity. he was perfectly fine, and so was his relationship.

the therapist is the problem.

she just couldn't understand what he was going though, that's all.

"listen mam," he suggested, "our relationship is circulating pretty normal, in fact- changbin has been showing more concern towards me, and i couldn't have appreciated it more. i still love him, and he still loves me, i think it's you who doesn't understand.."