sex therapy || chanlix

#18 solitary

'you make me feel a certain way, nobody else can.'

•:*✿.': ✿.︎-*✿.;.✿': ✿.︎-*✿.:•

clutching tightly at his shirt, fisting the soft cotton material, he choked out every tear seoul-hee made him claustrophobic to.

inbuilt frustration is what it lead to. how could she just leave him after raising a hand? why couldn't he just give her everything she wanted? why did it have to be so hard, just to please her? there are people who could make up relationships just to sleep together, yet he had to be the one who would suffer to give his girlfriend of so many years what she craved?

'why am i never good enough?'

all these conglomeration of thoughts, made it difficult to manage the tears uncontrollably uncluttered through his eyes. each choke of sob, begging for it to be a terrible nightmare he could wake up to.

yet, a part of relief washed over his nerves when he felt a hand rub over his back. he'd almost forgotten that it was chan's embrace, he could express himself without the feeling of judgement or disappointment. he didn't have anything to disappoint chan with. he felt, safe.

still afraid the male might leave him, just like how someone as close as seoul-hee did, he clutched his arms tighter, squishing his cheek against the older's chest. his eyebrows furrowing together to the point where it settled an ache in his forehead, he weeped and sobbed, just hoping he could forget all about reality and cuddle back into his only safe place.

his thoughts were cut off when he felt chan slowly pulling away. even if he wasn't that willing to let go, he knew he had to. it was an utter disappointment that he could never spend the rest of his years in the embrace that he seeked warmth and safety from.

hesitantly letting the grip around the male loosen, a pout wearied on his lips, keeping his head low so chan could avoid seeing him in such a vulnerable state.

but that was of no good as he felt the familiar warmth of his palm starting to cup his cheek and draw circles near his jaw. eventually, he felt the same hand tug his gaze upwards until he meant chan's eyes of concern.

those eyes. those eyes, that made all the cruelties of reality disappear for a second, the concern and sympathy glistening under the soft orange ochre light of his apartment, how could his trembling pupils hold so much beauty to make him feel so much..? he'd never been so dazed and lost by a pair of eyes, maybe that's why he'd made an attempt to compliment the blonde on his looks, because the older was undeniably pretty. to felix, it sounded girl-ish, but if that was what the truth blared, he wouldn't hesitate to state so. it was his embarrassment and flustered reluctant personality that made it hard for him to not fumble on his own words while giving such a simple compliment.

eventually he was taken apart from his daze, bringing him a flood of drastic occurred during that night. he needn't have a reason to thank chan, but felt like doing it anyway, just what we're the odds of seeing the person he ached to see showing up at his door.

"what's wrong?"

and that was it. the set of words enough for him to breakdown all over again, as if he'd just experienced it a second ago. sure, chan showed concern but it was enough to drive him off the edge and have his head descend and land on the male's shoulder.

eventually he snuggled closer, trying his best to mumble words of elucidation to which chan could acknowledge of. but to his luck and over cluttering of thoughts, the words he spit it out were a challenge for the older to translate.