Blurred Lens

Guilt

Engaged, engaged, engaged, the birds seemed to start singing  while you stared at Jungkook. You snapped out of it, cleared your throat and stood upright.

'Right... any other, um, ideas for pictures?' You stuttered, trying to move past that weird moment. You nervously swayed from foot to foot, making minimal eye contact.

Jungkook stood up casually, adjusting his jacket and grabbing his coat off the floor. He nudged his head to the left with an embarrassed look on his face.

'Uh,' he paused to think, staring at the trees in the distance. 'I think that's all good.'

You nodded, wanting to run away at that very moment.

'I'd better get going, then,' you said, realising it had been a short appointment, but you needed to escape his magnetism for a while.

Jungkook looked disappointed and surprised. He kicked the path gently and looked down.

'Oh, would you want to - um...' he paused for a little while and looked back up at you.

You prayed he'd let you leave, feeling wrong about this whole session.

'Don't worry,' he added half-heartedly. 'I'll walk you to the gate.'

You walked in silence to the barrier, both of you far to deep in thought to feel any awkwardness. The cheery voices of the surrounding people eased the tension.

As you neared the gate, you stopped to say your goodbyes.

'I'll send you the photos today or tomorrow, hopefully,' you said. 'Is your email working again?'

Jungkook nodded, biting his lip anxiously. 'I'll look forward to them.'

You smiled weakly. 'Goodbye then.'

Jungkook gestured his head forward, like he was going to add something extra. But he simply said, 'Bye, Y/N.'

You began to walk off, noticing Jungkook stayed in that same spot. You clung your camera close to your chest and started the walk home, never looking back to see if he departed.

Guilt was weighing you down and slowing your steps. You hadn't done anything, but the tension felt so wrong. Bong-Cha flashed into your mind a couple times, worsening the feeling.

You shook your head, compressed your emotions and continued the walk on this cold day. Looking up on the grey clouds, it looked like it was going to rain. They were nearing, but you reckoned you'd have enough time to get home dry if you upped your pace a little.

So you did, and arrived home a lot quicker than usual.

You stripped your coat, shoes and equipment off as soon as you got inside the house. You had almost 6 hours until your next appointment because of the short nature of your previous.

You grabbed a light bite, your appetite almost non-existent.

You placed your meal next to your opened laptop on your table. You powered the device on and linked the lead from your camera to the laptop. You made a dent into your snack and transferred all photos once the laptop lit up.

The Jungkook pictures overcame your screen and grabbed all attention. He was so damn pretty, it made you mad.

They were of the least priority since you had photos needing editing from shoots three days ago. But you still clicked on them first, almost as it you were enchanted with a spell.

He took up your entire spell and you sat there, analysing his face.

The image of you staring into his eyes while he stared back, re-entered your mind. The feeling of the wings flapping, feeling gooey and as if you were standstill in a photograph.

But the guilt was stronger than all those emotions.

You tore your eyes from the screen, slammed your palms on the table, jumped up and ran to your mirror.

'Right,' you exclaimed, staring at your reflection. 'You have a LITTLE crush on Jungkook. Which is completely inappropriate, but let's brush past that.'

Giving yourself a lecture was very needed at that moment.

'You're not going to see him again. I don't care if you run into him in some weird situation again, you RUN,' you paused, so angry that you'd left yourself get so lonely you developed feelings for a man who was having an upcoming wedding. 'Edit these photos, send them off and for the love of god you need to start dating again!'

You flopped back into your seat. The thought of dating terrified you, but if it had come to crushing on an engaged man, it was time to get back out there. Maybe distancing yourself from your work for a week or two would help you clear your head a little.

You felt so disappointed at yourself for having a crush on a client. A rule you'd put out for yourself since day one. You knew you were dealing with it and moving forward you wouldn't let this happen again.

It's not even a big deal, you thought. You hadn't told him, that chapter was closed and now you could carry on with your life.

You hurriedly edited his photos, definitely not doing them to standard, but doing them nevertheless. Adding brightness and darkening certain parts was the main bulk of it. Luckily you were focusing on the background mostly.

After you were content, you attached them to an email. You scanned the photos quickly, taking a final look. A little smirk was escaping his pouty lips and the mole underneath sparkled in its uniqueness. His eyes of course glistened into the lens and his intense stare burned into your soul.

'Goodbye, Jungkook,' you said out loud, clicking send and closing your laptop.

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