Blurred Lens

Courage

'I do.'

A silent sob vibrated your body. Your entire skeleton felt heavy and painful.

It was official.

Bong-Cha repeated his words, her back turned to you so you could only see her tensed shoulders.

You didn't think you could feel more torture and agony until the words, 'You may now kiss the bride,' left the priest's lips.

Jungkook's head jolted in surprise to the priest, as if he'd forgotten this was a part of the service. He then hesitated before leaning in. Your heart beat was in your throat as Bong-Cha brushed the lips that felt like home to you. It was swift, they both pulled back quickly. But this did not prevent the throb of your gut.

Nothing else was absorbed into your ear drums as the ceremony ended. Finally, Jungkook's eyes flickered at you before walking down the aisle. He tilted his head and his face fell further as he met your blurry eyes. Bong-Cha then held his hand stiffly and cruised down the aisle as the parents and the others applauded. The doors remained open as everyone watched them stoop down into the limousine.

You didn't wait to be released. As soon as they were out of sight you ran out of the church continued running until you reached a bench which was a good enough distance from the crowd. You collapsed onto the wood with your head in your palms and wept.

In your frail state, you dropped a message to a photographer you knew and begged him to cover the wedding photos that were yet to come. He was only your acquaintance and it hadn't been a particularly pleasant meeting, but you were desperate and unwilling to be at the after-party.

You needed to leave.

The following days overlapped each other, each filled with you replaying the wedding and the past few months on repeat in your head as you refused to leave your bed. You felt like an idiot. A fool. But your sorrow carried you through the days, which slowly became less painful. They became only a fraction less agonizing, but it was something.

Jungkook had called and messaged constantly. You ached to read the messages, but you refused knowing it would only hurt more. Using up all your will-power was exhausting, but life couldn't just stop.

It was a very rare period in which you felt fortunate to not have many customers, so therefore didn't leave your house excessively. Small tasks felt like great achievements. Ploughing through the tears helped you forget about him for a second.

After the week of slumping around your flat and not doing anything tremendous, you decided chucking yourself into your work could be a good distraction. So you began by downloading all your photos from the past week of shoots to edit them.

You smiled as they popped up, one by one, as they downloaded. Two families, the football team and a school event flashed on the screen of your laptop. You felt ashamed that these happy days had been ruined by your sadness. You still smiled at some kind interactions you'd encountered as the progress bar continued to strive.

And then the forgotten popped up. The wedding flashed in front of your eyes. Bong-Cha's devastating beauty, the exited crowd; the photo's weren't your best, under a reasonable excuse and your shaky palms.

Then the final picture; Jungkook standing at the end, waiting for his bride. It was the last photo you'd taken, so it glued to the screen and stayed, torturing your eyes. The entire day flooded in and you quickly shut the tab through your blurred eyes. 

You sat back, determined to blink away the pain that had ruptured. You hadn't considered editing the pictures. You'd been trying to push the entire day away from you.

You thought for a second and knew you were never going to be able to edit the most hurtful day you'd experienced. You felt like you had no obligation to do so either. You hadn't officially agreed to shoot the event, and then Jungkook's dad had dragged you into the church. It was just too much.

You felt the pictures were cursing your laptop and you simply wanted to close this chapter and get rid of the evidence. The first step was to locate Jungkook's email from your previous photoshoots. Then you'd attach the images and explain you hadn't edited them. And then... well then that was it. It would all be locked up and over.

You followed through with your actions and pressed send. You didn't feel free and reborn, though. There was still one more task to carry out.

You unlocked your phone and found Jungkook's name by muscle memory. All the unread messages clumped into one in your refusal to read them. The temptation was burning, but you pursued.

You hovered over his name and found the button, 'delete contact.'The bright red pierced your eyes and you stared, feeling unwilling. But it was for the best. It was needed.

Your finger nervously traced the sides of your screen as you tried to build the courage. This was final.

The courage was almost at its plateau as a notification popped up from Jungkook. It was hard to avoid, giving you were squeezing the life out of your phone in anxiety.

Our email has a virus, please can you print them off with me?

You scoffed at his desperation. You knew he'd read the email and refused your attempt at closure.

Can I have another email to send it to? You grudgingly replied.

That's the only one, please Y/N.

You stared at the 'please.' You felt your walls chip and weakness replace your courage. You couldn't lie, you were longing to see him.

Fine

Great! Froth and Flowers - 30 minutes?

You jolted up, not expecting him to suggest the meeting to be so soon. 

You looked down at the pajamas that had clung to your body throughout your misery and your unwashed hair. Plus you had to consider the travelling time, anxiety and probably a few weeping breaks.

Make that an hour.

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