so before anything else, I am screwed. it's December this is the time I want self-relaxation but what the heck? it became one of my "not worst you an idiot but my attacks day" but I am not confident tonight. but I kanda like the weather today.
I suppose to do some shitty things in the SSG but fuck I just messed up. I don't know why I am there but well this is what the other way round of myself wants.
so, here's the story of my shitty mind. I am still fighting my attacks like switching, suicide attempts, going out with nothing, breaking things, doing weird stuff, got wild, and shout like no one is with me. in short, I am going crazy right now.
I want to vanish from the world forget my identity and drop out to the memory I am listed.I hate myself and regret my decisions early as I realized my fucking attitudes.
I want to spell the word introvert. I want to back up to all of my promises and burn myself to death. I want to die but I just can't. if I won't stop myself thinking from suffocation and all I am drowning literally. I love the music of the rain right now but I also want to mourn for my so many cats that died because of me. I think ll of the things that are under my responsibility is beginning to give up on me and leave me. well, that's alright I understand because they just need me to the things that I am capable of and they don't want me on what I am imperfect to.
I don't have wants now, I don't have needs anymore because what rights do I have to beg for that thing when I am obviously nothing?
thins is not a suicide note nor a sad note but I am stating the fact that I am not important anymore to my own space. you are useless now and there will be no footstep for me. i am praised on what I can but not comfort to what I am poor.
I don't want to wonder because it just makes me weak and painful hell shyet. yeah, to people who is reading this, hope you don't get drown like me.
