My Lifeline - Jaywon Shortstories

Courage

I can't do that.

Jungwon stopped in the middle of the street. He had gone back and forth on his decision for almost a month now. This morning he had woken up quite confident, however now that he really had to do it, it was scarier.

It's going to hurt too much...

Jungwon turned around and started walking back, not really knowing where he would stop. The important part was putting the maximum of distance between him and-

Maybe some coffee will calm me.

Jungwon spotted a coffee shop and entered it. It was a cozy place, with lots of sofas and comfortable chairs.

Perfect.

Jungwon ordered a latte and sat down, trying to focus on his breathing. It got a little better but as soon as his mind started to think about something else, he felt anxiety take back control over him.

Come on Won... all yours friends have done it, it's not that bad, you can do it.

With a trembling hand, Jungwon grabbed his latte and drank. The beverage helped a bit.

Jungwon laid back on his chair. He didn't feel well. He wanted to go away and hide forever. He couldn't stand being in this situation because he knew it was silly. However, he couldn't control how he felt either.

Jungwon took his earphones and his phone. He thought that listening to a calm music would relax him more. He pressed play and closed his eyes.

I hate that.
I wanted to make a surprise, but it turns out I'm not brave enough..

Why am I not brave enough?

Jungwon sighed and dialed a number on his phone.

"Hey" he said. "I'm in the city, could you join me?"
"Is everything okay?" asked Jay.
"Yes, I'm okay" Jungwon lied.
"You didn't convince me, but okay" replied Jay. "Where are you?"
"I'll send you the coffee shop's address" finally said Jungwon, relieved.

Now he just had to wait.

~

Twenty minutes later, a charming younger man entered the coffee place. He was out of breath, as if he had ran a while. As soon as he spotted Jungwon, he rushed by his side.

"Jay!" simply said Jungwon, relieved by his presence.
"Are you okay? You scared me" said Jay, looking worried.
"I'm... i don't know.." began Jungwon. "There's something I've been meaning to do for a while, but I'm scare of doing it now. I thought I was brave enough to do it on my own, but I caved out thirty minutes ago."

Jay frowned. He sat next to Jungwon, putting his arm over his shoulders.

"Won" he whispered. "You're the bravest person I know. If you don't want to do what you wanted to do, it's okay."

Jungwon lifted his face to look into Jay's eyes.

"But I feel so diminished" he explained. "It's something so silly, I hate not having the guts."

"Do you want to share with me what it is?" asked Jay, starting to feel concerned.

Jungwon just shook his head. He didn't want Jay to know his weakness.

"Okay, no problem then" said Jay. "What can I do to help you?"

Jungwon thought back at all the had gone through together. Since day one, Jay had been there for him. He cared for him every day, motivated him, helped him, supported him.

"Okay I'll tell you" said Jungwon.

Jay straightened his back, ready to hear it.

"Don't make fun of me okay?" Jungwon asked first.
"I'd never do that" affirmed Jay.

~

"There's nothing to be ashamed of Won" said Jay, as soon as Jungwon admitted his secret.

"You think so?" asked Jungwon.
"Of course" confirmed Jay. "Plus you told no one besides me, so if you want to just go home, no one else has to know."

"That's true" replied Jungwon.

He got lost in his thoughts, but was soon brought back to reality by Jay's hand on his.

"Did you really imagine I would think less of you because of that?" asked Jay, really serious.

Jungwon looked embarrassed.

"Well, I think less of myself because of it" he explained.
"Please stop" immediately replied Jay. "You have shortcomings, like everyone does, but it's no reason to feel bad, okay?"
"I don't believe you" whispered Jungwon.

Jay looked at Jungwon once more.

"Why did you call me then?" he simply asked.

"Damn it" answered Jungwon.
"So?" insisted Jay.
"I called you because I needed comfort and help. And I wanted it to come from you" admitted Jungwon.

Jay didn't expect such a direct answer though.

"Then please trust me. It's okay to be scared. If you want I can take you home and we'll forget about all this. It doesn't change at all how I see you" said Jay, with a gentle tone.

Jungwon looked away for a minute. When he turned his head back, he had a different sparkle in his eyes.

"You know what? I'll do it" he said, determined. "Would you come with me?"
"Of course" said Jay, smiling.

~

Jungwon was sitting on the chair. The staff looked friendly, which helped him feel more comfortable. Jay being there helped as well.

"Are you ready?" asked the staff.

As soon as she asked that, Jungwon felt anxious again. All the courage he had gathered had vanished. His throat seemed closed, he couldn't speak. Jungwon's eyes met Jay's and he saw him getting up.

He hadn't asked for it, but it seemed that Jay had guessed what he needed.

Jungwon's felt Jay's hand firmly holding his and nodded at the staff.

He closed his eyes and waited for it to be over.

~

"We're home" announced Jay as soon as he had stepped inside the dorm.
"Where were you guys? I've tried calling you" said Jake, who seemed to be in the kitchen.
"They were up to something" answered Sunoo.

Jungwon looked at Jay and smiled.

"Why don't you come find out?" replied Jungwon as he took his shoes off.

It didn't last long until Sunoo came running towards them, and it took even less for him to notice what Jungwon was talking about. He grabbed Jungwon's hand and guided him into the kitchen.

"LOOK" Sunoo shouted, excited.

Jake and Niki looked up, not understanding the excitement.
"What are we looking for exactly?" asked Niki.

Sunoo sighed and raised his eyes, before pointing his finger at Jungwon's ears.
"Jungwon pierced his ears!" he finally explained.
"I thought you didn't want to" said Jake, frowning.
"To be honest, I've always wanted to" said Jungwon, picking everyone's attention. "But there is something you didn't know about me. I'm really scared of needles."
"Aaaah that's why you never pierced them before" said Niki, finally understanding.
"How did you manage to do it?" asked Jake, impressed.

At this moment, Jay entered the kitchen, unaware of the conversation.

"Jay gave me the courage I needed" said Jungwon, smiling at him.