My Lifeline - Jaywon Shortstories

Bitter Sweet - Part 3

Jay was walking down the street. A thousand thoughts running wild in his mind.

He still couldn't believe that Jungwon had accepted to see him again. It felt unreal. Deep down Jay was scared that Jungwon had accepted just to have an opportunity to be mad at him in public. Like Jay had been so many times to him. In any way, this was his only chance of true redemption.

He hadn't been able to think about anything else since yesterday morning. He hadn't paid attention to any of his classes. His only preoccupation was Jungwon.

The latter hadn't showed up at school since the incident. He hadn't spoken to Jay on the phone either. For this reason, Jay wasn't even sure that the meeting would really take place. However, he needed to go. He needed to try.

Everything was so confused to him. As if all the bullying he had done had been blurred in his memory all this time. However, after finding out who Jungwon was, everything had become clear.

He remembered everything tiny detail of what he had done. Remorse and guilt had kept him awake since then.

He had spent yesterday night calling his previous victims to apologize, unfortunately for him, no one had believed his apologies. That is why he didn't see why Jungwon would.
He had hurt him the most.

He was almost at the cafe now.

Would he be able to show Jungwon he had changed?

~

Jay sat down and the waiter asked what he wanted. He was about to answer when he saw Jungwon stepping inside.

He couldn't help but feel relieved at this sight. And at the same time, he was terrified.

"Hello. Two glasses of water please" said Jungwon to the waiter, as he reached the table.
"Very well" replied the latter, leaving them.

Silence was heavy as Jungwon sat in front of Jay.
Neither of them knew how to handle this situation.

"Are you mad?" asked Jay.
"I don't really know if I can name the emotion I'm feeling right now" answered Jungwon honestly.

"I do feel awful" shared Jay, looking down.

Before he could go on, the waiter had brought their glasses of water.
Jungwon took a sip from his and waited for Jongseong to continue.

"If you want to spent an hour insulting me, know that I'll accept it. I deserve it" added Jay.
"I see why you would think that, but I don't want to" said Jungwon.

"Really? Cause it's all they did yesterday" explained Jay.
"What do you mean?" asked Jungwon, intrigued.
"Well, yesterday after school, I called everyone I've ever bullied to apologize" explained Jay. "That didn't go well for me, but I understand why they wouldn't believe me."

"You actually did that?" asked Jungwon.
"I needed to apologize. I didn't know what else I could do" said Jay.

Jungwon looked at the person in front of him. It wasn't the same as one week ago.
He was hurt.
He was lost.
He was vulnerable.

Just like I am.

"You know Jongseong" started Jungwon.
"Please don't call me that" instantly said Jay. "I don't want to be him anymore. I want to be Jay from now on."

Jungwon froze in shock. He seemed so sincere.

"I know I can't erase what I've done" said Jay.
"I think it's better that way" replied Jungwon.

Jay looked down. He knew Jungwon was right. He deserved to be miserable.

"Cause it shows how much you grew" added Jungwon softly.

Jay must have misheard. Jungwon hadn't said that.
However, a second later, he felt Jungwon's fingers delicately raising his chin until their eyes met.

Jungwon wasn't looking at him in a bad way. Actually, he had a sweet sparkle in his eyes.

"You really think so?" asked Jay.
"I do" replied Jungwon. "Anyone else would advise me not to trust you right now, you know."

Jay nodded. He completely understood why.

"But, the thing is, I think I know you better than that. I won't defend what you did to me. That was wrong. But seeing how you've changed really gives me hope" explained Jungwon.

Jay didn't answer. He was too overwhelmed to say anything.

"I trust you, Jay" said Jungwon softly, his hand still holding Jay's chin.

It was too much for Jay. As Jungwon finished his sentence, he felt his heart getting heavy and light at the same time.

"I don't deserve it" he whispered. "And you deserve better than me."

This last thought had crossed his lips before he could stop. However, now it was too late. Jungwon was the smartest person he knew, which meant that he would recognize this as a confession.

Confusion quickly passed on Jungwon's eyes.

"Do you think I can find better than someone honestly doing his best to fix their mistakes?" he asked. "Cause I don't."

As Jay was about to protest, Jungwon's hand slowly slid up his cheek, sending shivers down Jay's whole body.

"I don't understand" said Jay, lost.
"What don't you understand?" asked Jungwon.
"How can you see beyond everything I did?" asked Jay.

Jungwon looked down.

"I think you know" he said.

Thing was, Jay was too scared to even consider the possibility. However, Jungwon seemed sure. Which meant, he could only do one thing.

"Thank you" said Jay, his eyes deeply planted in Jungwon's.

"Come here" said Jungwon, getting up.

Jay frowned, but did as told. As soon as he was up, Jungwon opened his arms, welcoming Jay.

This was so unreal to Jay. He hugged Jungwon, soon feeling the latter's arms around him as well.

"I wished I knew that before" whispered Jay. "What affection means."

"Let me show you what it means, Jay02" said Jungwon, gently pressing his lips on Jay's.