My Lifeline - Jaywon Shortstories

Bitter Sweet - Part 2

Before Jongseong could say anything, Jungwon ran out of the classroom.
It didn't matter that class was about to start.
It didn't matter that everyone was watching.
Nothing really mattered actually.

Jungwon had never felt so lost in his life. Things he thought he knew had been proven wrong so fast. His heart never had been betrayed like that.
How could he know what to trust from now on?

Jungwon had reached the bathroom door. He stormed inside, not even hearing how hard he had banged the door against the wall. He entered one of the stalls and just stood there.

This is a dream. That can't be happening. Jay02 isn't Jongseong. That's impossible.

The knocks on the stall made Jungwon angry. He didn't want to speak right now.

"Jungwon" whispered a voice.

The world crumbled around Jungwon. That voice was Jongseong's, he knew it. However at the same time he had never heard so much pain in one's voice.

"Go away" Jungwon forced himself to say.
"Please, give me a chance" said Jongseong, slowly.

It didn't matter to Jungwon that Jongseong's voice was filled with pain. It didn't matter that he had asked for a chance.
That would never cover years of abuse.

"I want to be alone" said Jungwon, trying to sound as cold as he could.
"I'll leave you alone, but please let me explain first" begged Jongseong.

Jungwon didn't answer. Of course he was curious. However not as much as he was mad.

But Jay02 deserves a second chance right?

"Look, I know what I did was wrong okay? I know I could never make it go away. Thing is.. I don't even know why I've done all that" said Jongseong.

His voice wasn't louder than a whisper, but Jungwon heard everything clearly.

"I know you'll never forgive me. Even if someday you do it, I'll never forgive myself" he added.

Jungwon heard a sound and guessed that Jongseong had sat down. Apparently being in the school's toilet wasn't bothering him.

"I've always been lonely" whispered Jongseong. "Once, I got into a fight and people praised me. I guess I just wanted attention, you know. As time passed by, I blindly continued, even though I knew I was wrong."

Jungwon's heart was bleeding. Jongseong sounded so sincere.

"I was so angry and so scared to be alone again, that I didn't realized I was forcing you to be alone" he said. "That was stupid. I feel awful."

Jungwon felt lost. How could he be feeling empathy for someone like that?

Because he knows what being alone means.

A few moments later, Jungwon heard Jongseong getting up and he recognized the sound of his hand on the stall.

"I'm sorry" finally whispered Jongseong.

~

Jungwon had waited for the end of class in the bathroom. He couldn't even imagine going back to the classroom for the rest of the day. However he needed a good alibi if he wanted to go home.

He decided to visit the school nurse and tell him that he had been sick during the first lesson, which explained why he spent it inside the bathroom.

Soon enough he was riding his bike home, with a little note exempting him for the rest of the day.

Hopefully his parents were working, and his dog would obviously never ask any questions. He locked himself in his bedroom and ran to his bed.

He wanted to scream, to punch, to let it all out. How could he have been that stupid? How could he have believed he had a friend. That was too good to be true. He should have known better.

His heart felt so hurt.

Worst thing was that his source of comfort -Jay02- wasn't an option anymore.

He had no one to turn to.

As he sighed out loud, his phone vibrated inside his pocket.

•Jay02 is online•

Jungwon hesitated. Some part of him wanted to insult and get angry at him. However, some other part wanted to talk to him.

He noticed that Jongseong didn't write anything, even though he knew Jungwon was online as well. As if he wanted to respect Jungwon's wish to talk to him or not.

You hurt me.

I know
What can I do?

I have no idea
I need time I think

I know I screwed up
I know I don't deserve your friendship
But you're all I have

What? Jungwon had to read that several times to make sure he actually had written those words.

What do you mean?

I told you that I was very lonely
And my "friends" at school are bullies too
They do give me attention
But I never knew what it meant to have a real friend before you

Jungwon gasped.

It's so weird

What is?

That we lived the same emotions, but we dealt with them very differently

I guess I see your point

As much as it costs me to admit it
You also are my only real friend

This sucks...
This should be a good moment between friends
But I've ruined it

...

Please know that I'll always feel sorry about this.
And please know I'll always be grateful that you taught me what friendship really meant.

I'll treasure our friendship even though it's over.

Jungwon knew Jongseong was right. They shouldn't talk anymore. He had hurt him. On purpose.

I guess I might be the stupid one now

What?

I don't want our friendship to end.

Really?
How could you trust me after all I did.

I can't
But deep down I believe you
Just don't let me down again

Can I say something stupid as well?

We're on a roll, go for it

I know it sounds crazy
I just hope you feel the way I do too
So if you still want to do it, could we count our meeting at the cafe you talked to me about as a date?

Jungwon sighed.
This wasn't going to be easy at all.
Jongseong had done bad things.

But did it mean he didn't deserve a second chance?

I think we could, yes