Displaced

Timber - Thirty-Four

I let Chevelle go back to the room just as she wanted. Not like I agreed, but if I fought her too much, I might get in trouble. I was between a rock and a hard place. About the only thing I could do was continue to be patient with her and hope she came around on her own.

So I stayed and watched from a bench as Lara played on the playground. I envied her ability to be so happy and carefree, like none of this was any kind of a big deal. Seriously, how could she not be upset by anything? Perhaps she was coping in her own way. One of us was due for a meltdown. Chevelle had hers. Who would be next? Me or Lara?

Meltdowns weren't really my thing. I'm not perfect and I have my issues, lots of them, but for the most part I'm able to handle my stress in a healthy way. The more the pressure built, the higher the chances were that I would explode. That was not an option. I was already potentially defective because of my health issues. After all, if the whole purpose of my being placed with Chevelle was for breeding...who would want my genetics? When it all boiled down to it, I wasn't as cream of the crop as everyone thought.

Going insane would be another blemish. The more about myself I revealed, the less she would want me. Maybe she'd change her mind about swapping me for Wicken. I know the two of them had some kind of a history and she probably had more loyalty to him to begin with, but at the same time, I didn't want to be beaten or become someone's slave.

I briefly closed my eyes. When I opened them again, Lara was standing right in front of me.

"Hey," she said, all smiles.

"Hey," I said, forcing a smile back.

She sat down next to me on the bench and wrapped her arms around me. "I know I'm not a big person, but you don't have to pretend, okay? I'll be okay."

"I don't know if I understand."

"Don't you miss your mommy and daddy too?"

I laughed sourly. Did I miss my parents? More than anything. "Yes, I do."

"Okay, so you can be sad. Just because I'm not big doesn't mean you have to pretend around me. If you're sad, be sad."

Slowly, I shook my head. "It's not because you're a little person. Sometimes adults pretend to have different feelings because they're scared of showing what's really going on inside of them. Not because they're worried about you, but because admitting that they're hurting is like giving up. When someone gives up, it's like letting all of the bad stuff win. You know what I mean? And I don't want the bad guys to win."

"Are you sure they're bad guys?" she asked. "The aliens, I mean. I listen to what you talk about, you know."

I sighed. "I'm not sure if they're good or bad. There's a lot of stuff I don't know about."

"Which is why you always say you're going to find out and learn more before you decide how you're going to get away."

That made me wince. Talking about all of that so bluntly in public could have been bad for me. "It's my way of buying time so I can get courage."

She looked up at me with wide, hope-filled eyes. "You're brave. I'm glad I'm with you."

Lara held onto me for a long time, and while I liked it, I couldn't help but wonder just what I had gotten myself into. I was not good parent material.