Displaced

Timber - Thirty-Seven

First thing I went to do when I got back was shower. Man, did I need one. I hadn't taken one since we arrived on the ship. It hadn't been a necessity. Sure, I was gross, but not to the point where anyone would die from my stench. After my jog, I was definitely rank. Even Lara crinkled her nose as I walked through the living room. Keep in mind, she was on the opposite side of the room from me.

Chevelle was in the bedroom, sleeping. I made sure to be quiet as I walked into the bathroom. I started up the water and stripped down while I waited for it to get warm. Along the wall was a small shoot labeled "laundry." Good to know I wouldn't have to wash my own clothes, I guess. One less thing to worry about, that's for sure. At the same time, all of the unnecessary pampering was weird. Boredom would seep in eventually.

Once the water was warm, I stepped in and let the water rush over me. My body was sorer than I thought. Funny, because I hadn't been doing a whole lot. Had to be stress-related. My shoulders were tense, my whole back was. My legs ached from my run. And my heart...that hurt most of all. I remembered why I'd been avoiding the shower. Shower time was thinking time.

If I was being honest with myself, for the most part I'd been trying to ignore the whole being taken captive on a spaceship thing. Ignoring that I'm expected to be a breeding tool. And ignoring the fact that even though Paul said things wouldn't be different here – they were. Because if I thought about that, I would lose track of my main goal: getting home again. Paul told us it would be a possibility so long as we were good and continued to cooperate. Hopefully, that wasn't a lie too.

So instead of focusing on the truth, I lied to myself and treated it like a special project for work. Researching a role, getting into character, and scoping out the new location. Creating goals and purpose for myself gave me something to work on and not have a breakdown.

But I missed home: my golden retriever who always woke me up with slobbering kisses, and other little things like surfing and traveling in my free time. And the not so little things too, of course: my parents. I'd like to at least let them know I was okay because Mom loves to worry. I'm their only child, so she went all out with the mothering thing. Dad was probably getting ready to load a gun and take me back by force. He'd always been an act first, think later kind of guy.

We've always been close. Growing up, I thought my parents would suffocate me with all of the attention and affection and babying I received. Getting away had been a hard thing to do when I became a legal adult. They didn't want me to move out even though I had more than enough money to do so. After I moved, they tried to force their way into my life in any way they could. There weren't boundaries. Now? I missed that: all of the constant check-ins, the daily "just calling because I love you" conversations, and even the nagging to not work so much and come home for a little while. Not to mention all of the hugs and kisses that used to embarrass me when I was younger.

And of course I can't forget about Talia. If I was with her, I could tolerate the being a breeding tool thing. I've never loved anyone the way that I do her. Actually, I'm pretty sure I didn't even love until I met her. There were girls I cared about when I dated them, but it wasn't the same. Nowhere near the same. Everything would be a lot easier to handle if she was with me. Don't get me wrong, Chevelle was great, but she didn't know me the same way as Talia did. I wasn't sure I wanted her to know me that well, either. What would she think of me if she knew the full depth of my personality?

I shook my head. In truth, I just needed to be myself with Chevelle. She wasn't a member of the paparazzi. In fact, she didn't seem to care about who I was, period. I harped on her for hiding and shutting down on me, but I wasn't exactly being honest either.

Talia. She would have told me I was being an idiot. Then she'd kiss me, and hold me. Once my strength returned, I'd feel invincible again. But Talia wasn't there. Somehow I had to be strong on my own and maintain my honesty – at least when it came to Lara and Chevelle. We were a family now, and family didn't lie.