Displaced

Timber - Forty-Nine

"I've got a surprise," Chevelle said when she came back from whatever it was she'd been doing all day. She still went to her therapy group, but she also found other things to do to keep her out of the house until the kids went home again. Lara was always with her when she came home, so one of those things must have been picking our pseudo-daughter up from school.

I'd just finished cleaning up all of the toys from the living room. Monique spat up on my shirt, so I was in the process of pulling that off the instant she walked through the door. She stepped off of the balcony and blinked, her jaw hanging open.

"What?" I asked, not sure what her problem was. "What's the surprise?"

She shook her head, eyes squeezing shut for a few seconds. "This is the first time you've pranced around the house half-naked. Not something I'm used to seeing, that's all. Anyway, surprise. You're either going to love me or hate me for this, but I picked up a lot of contraband media."

"I'm not going to get in trouble for having it, am I?"

"Heck no, you're going to be helping me decide if it passes the censorship test or not." She winked. "The only reason it's contraband is because it hasn't been approved yet. I got some old movies to watch. You know, something different than the three they like to repeat on the TV. And the gold..." She reached into her bag and pulled out a couple of CDs, handing them to me.

My heart started to pound faster as I read the sloppy letters written with permanent marker on the CD label. "Qoil's greatest hits?"

Qoil, Talia's old band. The next CD threw me for an even bigger loop, because it was her first solo album. It released shortly after we started dating. Most of it was bitter ranting about her old flames. At the time it all resonated with me because I could relate to everything she sang about. Now, I have a hard time listening to it. All I hear is how badly she'd been hurt. Pain that affected our relationship presently. We both had our fair share of baggage. I think that's why we work so well together.

"I was able to download some new songs from her unreleased second album too," Chevelle said quietly.

"She was just getting ready to start promoting it," I said softly. "She said if it sucked it was my fault since most of them were about me."

Chevelle shrugged. "The few songs I had heard on the radio before this whole mess, I thought they were great. Angst is great, don't get me wrong, but there's something nice about hearing happy music too every once and a while. I know what she writes is real. Anyway, one of them she just released, like, a couple of days ago, and I think you need to hear it."

I nodded, though I felt as if I was having some kind of out-of-body experience. My head was floating and a little dizzy. My chest hurt. Pretty sure there was a never-ending pit in my stomach as well. Here I was with the only connection to the woman I loved, and I wanted to yak. Why was I so nervous?

There was one last thing Chevelle gave me, a printed picture of Talia's latest CD cover. I took it, but didn't so much as glance down. As much as I wanted to thank her for the gifts, I couldn't bring myself to say any actual words. Instead, I gave a small nod, hoping she understood, and left the room.

We had a CD player in the bedroom, and I had my headphones from my mp3 player still. I never took that thing off of me when I was back home. The device itself was taken from me by the Achlivans sometime in the middle of the night. That's when they got rid of stuff they didn't want us to have. I hadn't noticed it was gone until I wanted it for an evening jog.

They let me keep my cell phone, which seemed weird to me, but I wasn't about to complain. Even if it didn't work anymore, it was the only tie I had to my family, my friends, and my love. On it were hundreds of pictures of our adventures together. The phone wouldn't turn on, but just having it near me made me feel as if I wasn't so far away. Like they could call any moment and we'd chat as if it'd only been a few hours since we'd last spoken. The only other connection I had to my family was the plush loon toy I had bought for my mother, something I slept with every night.

Nerves turning my stomach into knots, I put in the CD with Talia's newest material on it. What can I say? I'm a glutton for punishment apparently. Closing my eyes and taking in a deep breath, I searched through the tracks for the one song I hadn't heard.

The soft guitar pulled at my heartstrings. When I heard the opening line, I lost it, burying my face into the pillows on the bed.

"I'll wait forever for you to come back to me."