Displaced

Chevelle - Eleven

After our walk in the garden, Paul brought us back to the balcony.

"Are you ready to see the rooftop?" he asked.

I shook my head, just as Timber was about to say "yes". He actually pouted at me, and somehow managed a smile.

"Go ahead," I nudged him. "You can show me around later. I could use some time alone."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

I nodded. "Definitely."

"You wanna come with me, Lara?" He knelt down and touched the girl's arm. She smiled at him with such wide, bright, brown eyes. It was precious.

Paul's smile widened. "The black button will bring you back to your unit. Once you start to make friends, you'll learn what the other buttons do. For now, just try to keep things simple. Your front door will now also unlock, but that hallway is not the best way to get around. Still, I won't stop you from using it should you feel the need."

We rode the balcony back up to our place. I waved at the guys and Lara, wanting them to move on to the next sight so I could have my breakdown. I could feel it coming on. The more I thought about everything Paul had told us, the more my chest tightened, and my breathing became more labored. I needed to just cry and release everything inside of me before I imploded.

And instead of imploding, I exploded. I fell to my knees and burst into tears because that was the only thing I could think of doing to make it all go away. Maybe if I cried hard enough, I could empty out every emotion, every thought inside of me, and be stronger, be...something more than completely helpless.

I curled into a ball, hugging myself. How I would have given anything to at least have my mom there. If she was with me, at least things wouldn't be so scary. Not only did I have to take care of myself, but now Lara and Timber were both my responsibility. Like things weren't weird or complicated enough as it was, now I had to pretend to be in a fake relationship with the guy just to make sure he didn't get outcast and miss his ticket home?

And Lara I figured was probably better off with us than with her mom who apparently liked to abandon her, but taking care of her was still scary too. For now she was a good, sweet, quiet girl, but once she got comfortable and the shock wore off, who knew what she would be like. Who knew what either of them would be like. Eventually true colors would start to show all around. Don't get me started on the alien thing, again. That, in and of itself, was still hard to wrap my mind around.

I don't know how long I cried. The whole world faded away as I emptied myself on the living room floor. It wasn't until I heard the flushing of the toilet that I realized I was no longer alone.

"Hello?" I croaked out.

"It's just me," Timber called out.

Oh man, how much of that did he see? It had to have been all of it and then some. For the first time, I was actually self-conscious of what I looked like in front of him. I combed my hair with my fingers, tried to blot away the tears from my eyes, and fanned the ugly puffy redness that was no doubt surrounding them.

Slowly, I picked myself up off the floor. "W-when did you get in?"

"I would guess ten minutes ago. Lara went to go play on the playground and talk with some of the kids. Paul's going to bring her back in a little while." He stepped out into the main living area, took one look at me, and sighed. "Sit down. I'll make you something."

"I don't want to eat," I mumbled.

"Pretend you do then, and sit down anyway."

Reluctantly, I shuffled over and took a seat at the dining room table. He went into the kitchen and opened up a cupboard.

"I came in through the front door," he said quietly. "Because I didn't want to disturb you. I know we barely know each other, but you can talk to me."

I hugged myself again. "There isn't much to talk about."

"When there is, then you can come to me." He glanced back at me and I watched him heat some milk on the stove. "We're supposed to be a unit, right? Part of that is relying on each other for everything."

"Noted."

"I'm still freaking out too, and the things Paul told us today..." He shook his head. "Do you think they're watching us?"

"I guess I hadn't thought of that, but I would assume so. How else would they know you slept on the couch, right?"

"Exactly, and he said these Achlivans would be okay with us not having an intimate relationship, but if that were the case why would you have to fake interest in me?" The deep frown he wore on his face hurt my head. Not only did he look so sad, but it just seemed painful in general. He took in a deep breath and added in a little more than a whisper. "I'm worried they're going to push us into something neither of us is going to want to do."

Another thing I didn't want to think about. There was no doubt in my mind that Timber would be good to me. Hi, he was pretty much perfect. I lucked out hardcore. If push came to shove and I was indeed forced into sleeping with someone, at least I had the solace of knowing I was with someone who'd be careful and kind. But I didn't want it to come to that, and I didn't want him to be punished because I wasn't ready – because I didn't love him. I certainly didn't want to make him cheat on his girlfriend and force him to be my sex slave. How degrading to him.

Tears filled my eyes again. I did my best to keep them at bay. "I don't know what to do anymore. Complying sounds just as scary as trying to run now."

He walked over with a couple of mugs. I smelled chocolate in them. He made me hot-freaking-chocolate. Perfect, seriously. His mom must have raised him right. As he moved past me, he gave my shoulder a squeeze before he went to sit in a chair nearby.

"It's going to be scary for as long as we're here," he said.

"True," I mumbled into my cup.

"One day at a time, okay?"

"Uh-huh."

Smiling, he brought his mug to his lips. "I'm lucky to be with you."

I wanted to scoff at the idea, but I held back. Arguing over something petty would not only make me look insecure and stupid, but it was also a waste of time all around. Still, I wished he would have seen that I was the lucky one. After all, I hadn't done anything for him.