IronDad/SpiderSon One-shots

They're Gone

Third Person POV:
Content Warning: There is going to be Avengers: Endgame, SpiderMan: Far From Home, and SpiderMan: No Way Home spoilers in this one-shot. Please do not read if you haven't watched these movies unless you are okay with spoilers.
Trigger Warning: (I don't know if this is necessary, but I am putting it just in case) Extreme Loneliness/Mentions of Death
Word Count: 2623

Peter had finished unpacking his boxes weeks ago. He didn't even have any of the boxes he used to bring his stuff into his new apartment anymore. But, as he walked through the door into his apartment, he couldn't help but feel like this place wasn't his own. He had only been here for a few weeks, but he still expected this new place to feel like home to him by now. Happy's place felt like his own hours after he had gotten there. But, then he wasn't on his own. He had May and Happy with him. Now, he didn't.

On his own. This was a first for Peter. Yes, there were times when he felt so alone in this world. When no one knew he was Spider-Man. Those were, perhaps, the hardest times for him. He wanted to tell everyone, but he knew he couldn't. But when Tony found out, it felt like a relief. Like part of the weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Then other people that were important to him found out. Ned, M.J., May, Happy. When they found out, he had never felt so free in his life. He didn't have to hide it from the most important people in his life anymore, and that made the weight completely disappear from his shoulders. He had never felt so alive and free. Now that he didn't have those people in his life to help guide him, he knew that feeling of loneliness he felt once before was nothing compared to this.

This loneliness was deep. It went straight to the core of his soul.

At first, he didn't recognize it. The first couple days he actually felt content. Well, as content as he could feel after everything that happened. But, slowly, he started to realize how alone he truly was. When he would get up for work in the morning, realize any other kid his age would be getting up for school. When he would find a funny instagram post and go to send it to Ned or M.J., but not be able to because they had no clue who they were. When he would think about going home to tell his aunt about the crazy thing that happened at work, but realizing she wouldn't be there to tell. That one was the hardest. When he would see the pictures of him and his aunt, him and M.J., or him and ned.

When he did recognize the loneliness, it never seemed to go away. It was always at the back of his mind all of the time. It was looming over him. It was a cloud, hiding the sun away from him and threatening to rain down on him at any given moment. It was a big, empty whole inside of him. No matter what he did to try and fill the void inside of him, nothing worked. No amount of work, studying, or Spider-Manning was able to fill it. Nothing was able to fill it. Yes, it would distract him from it. It would take his attention away from it, but it would always find its way back to him. Always pestering. Always looming. Always there. It threatened to drown him. It threatened to damage him.

Most days, he would just ignore it. Well, as best as you can ignore loneliness. When he would think of it, he would do something to occupy himself. Continue studying for his GED, go out and be Spider-Man, or play solitaire. He would push it away. He would bottle it up and wouldn't deal with it. He wasn't ready to deal with it. He wasn't ready to accept how alone he was.

But, tonight was his breaking point. As he set down the bag of groceries he had on his table, he looked around his apartment. There was hardly anything in here. He had a few books he was using to study for his GED with, he had pictures, and his suit lay under his bed. He had some clothes in the closet, but that door remained closed. He had his own bed sheets. He got them from the Salvation Army for five dollars. It was better than sleeping with no sheets. But, for the most part, the apartment was bare compared to what his apartment was with May. Even Happy's apartment had more than his, and Happy was hardly there until after Tony died.