IronDad/SpiderSon One-shots

Stuck

Word Count: 5,870
Third Person POV:
Trigger Warning: Depression/Anxiety/Just dark in general

Author's Note: (I'm in a really bad place right now, and so I'm going to be trying to cope with writing it out. By no means am I trying to project my problems onto Peter. I don't like the idea of fantasizing mental illness at all. Please understand this before reading this. I feel that sometimes, Peter might struggle just as we all do. So, I'll be putting into writing, helping myself and trying to help Peter. Again, I'm not fantasizing mental illness. This is going to be dark and though it will have a happy ending, it will not be a happy story. Please, stay safe and don't read if you aren't comfortable with it. I love you all and care about you all.) (Another note: I want to say that I am going to have Tony help Peter bathe in this one-shot, but for the love of 3,000, mark my words, this is NOT STARKER. I do not SHIP STARKER and I WILL NEVER SHIP STARKER. DO NOT TAKE THIS OUT OF CONTEXT PLEASE. This is a FATHER and SON relationship).

Depression. The first definition to come up when simply googling it is the following: "Feeling of severe despondency and dejection." That is what google says, but sometimes google doesn't always get it right. Sometimes they over-explain. Or, in this case, they under-explain it.

Depression is so, so many things.

Sometimes it can be intense sadness. Whether you have something to be sad or not about is out of the question. It always gives you something to be sad about. That test you failed last week, the great-grandparent that died over five years ago, the trauma from your childhood that haunts you, that friend from preschool that stopped talking to you before you were even in middle school, or anything else really. It can even make things up for you to be sad about. What could possibly happen in the future or what could possibly not happen in the future. No matter what it chooses, it festers inside of you and makes you want to scream and cry at the same time. Sadness. Sadness. Sadness. You could just lie in bed and cry all day over nothing, too. And, God, it's so tiring.

Sometimes it can be intense fear. Whether you'd be afraid of failing, afraid of what your future might become, or even just afraid of getting out of bed, the fear is so intense it can feel like you are drowning in it. That fear can make you paranoid of everything. It can make you so hypervigilant that every single thing scares you. The sound of a book dropping, the time passing by, even checking your phone. Sometimes all you fear is the fear. Fear. Fear. Fear. Your brain will sit there and scream at you to be afraid of something that you think you shouldn't be afraid of at all. And, God, it's so tiring.

Sometimes it can be intense anger. Whether it is about a fight you got into with your parental figure last week or you are just angry at yourself, that anger builds up and explodes. Sometimes it just explodes inside of you, having an argument with yourself in your head. Sometimes it explodes outwardly, making you throw things and scream. The anger is often a build up of anger that has just been growing overtime. Anger. Anger. Anger. And when the anger disappears? Typically, it's sadness. Sad. Sad. Sad. And, God, it's so tiring.

Sometimes it can be intense numbness. Whether you just don't feel your body, or whether you don't feel your emotions, it is there. It is more haunting than sadness, fear, and anger combined in one. Because then, you know you can feel. Then, you know you are fully human and you can still be a person. But not being able to feel leaves you wondering. Am I even a human? Am I even a real person? You question everything about anything, especially yourself. Numb. Numb. Numb. You are numb beyond belief and it makes you just want to stare at the wall and let the questions ring through your head over and over until your brain just eventually stops. And, God, it's so tiring.

Sometimes it can be an intense feeling of worthlessness. Even if you have found a cure to world hunger, your brain won't let you focus on that. Instead, it will make you focus on the fact that, in a particular moment, you aren't doing anything. You are just sitting there, doing nothing, and therefore, you have lost your value on this earth. Even if you are doing something, your brain will convince you that you aren't doing enough. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. This feeling is one of the worst ones. And, God, it's so tiring.