Closeted (BoyxBoy) [2014 Edition]

Bonus Chapter: The One The World Won't Heal From

Liam Jenkins

It was 1:36 PM in the afternoon when I received the call. 

The call that shook my life to the core. The call that took someone who was happy and excited and made an instant panic attack take away everything he ever loved and ever cherished. The call that not only shook me, but it broke me.

I drove home as fast as I could, speeding through traffic and ignoring all the rules. With the way I felt, nothing mattered anymore except getting to see her one final time. That's all I wanted was one final moment with her. I had to have it, I had to get it.

My life depended on it.

I made it home in record time, stopping my car in the middle of the road. I didn't even care if I was blocking traffic, nothing mattered to me at this point except getting home to see her. I didn't know why, but something in the back of mine was telling me that everything will be okay as long as you got home to see her and I believed that voice more and harder than anything I've ever believed in in my entire life.

I burst through the front door, into living room and ignoring all of the pair of eyes turning to look at me. I couldn't pick a set to make eye contact with because none of them were the ones I really wanted to see. That I dropped everything and came to see. The only ones I needed to see.

But what I did see was a room full of people from far and wide, family I haven't talked to in years and family I don't even recognized, all gathered in the living room. They were comforting each other, crying their eyes out, and letting their vulnerable selves show.

I pushed myself through the crowd and forced myself into the back hallway that lead to the bedrooms. Hers was the furthest down on the end, and the door was closed. She never had her door closed, because she always wanted people to know they were welcome in at any time for a chat, some comfort, words of wisdom, or anything else.

But today, her door was closed.

My dad was crying, his head against the shut door. My Mom, tears rolling down her face, trying her hardest to be strong and comfort him. I've never seen my dad cry, so my heart started hurting worse than it already was.

My heart was hurting. I was hurting. Everything was hurting.

I walked down the hall, but it felt like every step wasn't getting me closer to that damn shut door. I had to open that door. Everything will be okay when I open that door. So I took one step after another, one foot in front of the other and forced my body to get to that door.

My parents moved out of the way when they saw me approaching. I was determined to open that door and make everyone feel better. That's the only way everyone is going to feel better is when that door opens, and we all can sit and talk to her, and ask her why that door was closed.

I finally made it to it and something told me to just go in, but I couldn't do that. What if she was doing something? Then I would only embarrass her in front of everyone and I didn't want to do that, so I just knocked.

No response.

I knocked again, and for the second time, I got no response. I knocked again, and again, and again, and again and each and every time, there was no response. There was no sound coming from behind that door. No shuffling, no movement.

I took the doorknob in my hand and twisted it gently, letting the door finally open. It creaked slowly until it was wide, letting me peer in without hesitation. This is how it has always been. The door open and you could look or walk inside, freely.

I walked in and looked around. Her room was always so neat and it smelled like chocolate cheesecake because of the candles she loved to burn. The teddy bears sitting perfect posture on her dresser looked out at me warmly and welcoming. But the room was dark because of the curtains covering the blinds.

She usually had them open by this time of day.

Every step into her room made my chest hurt more and more, but I had to get that door open. It was the only way to make everything and everyone feel better was to get the door open so everyone could come and talk to her. So we could all sit on her bed and laugh like this was one big prank.

But then... everything just... stopped.

I turned and looked at her bed. She always loved bigger beds, so she made sure she had a king sized bed in her room. And she loved that bed. She loved sleeping in that bed, so she made sure she was in that bed whenever she got the chance.

And she seemed like she got that chance.

I approached the bed, the sight of her laying in it peacefully. Her eyes closed, a gentle smile on her face. She's always had a smile on her face, even when she was sleeping. But now, I know she wasn't sleeping. Not this time, not anymore.

It felt like I was losing sight of her, my eyes started getting blurry. I tried blinking away the hazy vision but, the only thing that left was tears from my eyes as they trailed down my face. My breathing became labored and I covered my mouth with my hand, trying my hardest not to make a sound.

I didn't want to wake her, but I knew she wasn't asleep.

I fell to my knees, clutching my chest with my other hand. Everything was hurting more than it should. I should've been expecting this, we should've all been expecting this. But the way she lived, the way she made us smile and laugh everyday, made it seem like she would've been around forever for all of us.

But now, she's gone.

But she's happy. There's no more pain for her, no more heartbreak, no more suffering. She won't have to worry anymore. Now, she can be in eternal peace, laying as long as she wants in a king sized bed in the sky.

I'm going to miss her, God am I going to miss her. I'll never understand why you decided you wanted to bring her home now, but I have no choice but to let her go. She'll be the best angel you'll have at your side.

I hope every angel is prepared for the woman you've chosen today, because she's going to make sure Heaven shines a little bit brighter every single morning. Just please, all I ask is please...

Leave her door open. So that way we may still talk to her... because the world won't be able to heal from this one.

It was 1:36 PM when I got the call, and it was 3:17 PM when I said goodbye to her.

~

R.I.P Betty White (Grandma Jenkins)

Thank you for being a friend.
1922 - 2021