Closeted (BoyxBoy) [2014 Edition]

28: Sex and Cigarettes - Liam

"Well? You just gonna stand there, or are you going to come in?"

Gabriel peered down at me, his breath smelling of the ash of a fresh smoked one. I slid past him and into his massive living room, where nothing but the flat screen that hung above the fireplace was lit. He followed me shortly after, and motioned for me to sit on his loveseat.

I declined.

"I'd... rather stand, if that's alright."

"Suit yourself," he responded with a heaviness in his voice. One that said that he wasn't in his right mind. I couldn't really see him, because it was dark, but I could feel everything wrong about him. He sat on the couch and resumed the media on the screen. He was listening to very explicit music that appealed to those that baked, "Did you want something?"

I snapped out of my train of thought and looked to Gabriel, who was beginning to light another blunt.

"Y-yeah. I wanted to talk."

"What about?"

He inhaled the narcotic deeply before blowing the smoke in my direction. I held my breath until the stench faded and the chances of second-hand lung cancer passed. My eyes narrowed and glared at the burning stick.

"That."

"Oh," he mouthed, before setting it down in a nearby ashtray. He coughed to clear his throat and sat back in his seat, "Okay. Talk."

I closed my eyes and summoned the courage to say what I needed to without faltering. My eyes traced his person and I noticed all the changes he's undergone as a smoker. The bags under his eyes has gotten darker, his skin started breaking out in acne, and he's lost a lot of weight. I don't know if he's only smoking cigarettes and weed, or if there's more.

"Why," was all I could squeak.

"Why what," he snapped, his red eyes meeting mine impatiently and withdrawn from their usual high. Even though the white was bloodshot red, those green irises shone brightly from the light reflecting from the screen of the TV.

"Why... are you doing this to yourself? Drugs? Drugs?! This wasn't something the King of Livingston had under his belt, and everyone knew that! So why start now? When we're so close to graduation..."

"It's really none of your fucking business why I'm doing what I'm doing," the anger in his voice continued to rise with every word he spoke. He stood from the couch and approached me, his height advantage over me made it seem like he was a giant, but I couldn't back down, "I'm... coping. And don't worry about graduation for me. The administration wouldn't even think of flunking West L.A.'s golden boy."

"But you see what this stuff is doing to you, don't you?! Hasn't your parents noticed anything yet?"

A sarcastic smirk formed on his lips before returning to the couch and kicking his feet up on the black coffee table, "Those two don't know shit about parenting. Plus, they're out of town on some business or whatever. I didn't care to listen. And Margaret's... gone home to her family for the time being, so it's just me."

"Well, what about Evan and Kyle?! Obviously they know something's not right with you, have you even talked to them?!"

The smirk remained, but it grew, "Evan's got his own problems, he sees what everyone else does. And Kyle? That guy's been scarce since he got the presidential scholarship. No one's heard from him, but he's still number one in the school."

"Wait... presidential scholarship as in the Presidential Student of the World Scholarship?! That scholarship?!"

"Have you been living under a fucking rock?! There were rumors in school for weeks that he got it, there's even a fucking mural in the main hall about it."

"I... guess I've been too busy to realize it," my words started to shake and I turned away from Gabriel. I know my original focus was to help Gabe, but... learning that Kyle is the candidate they're pinning the scholarship for that I've worked my ass off for is... disheartening. My eyes started swelling with tears and a tight pain in my chest started erupting, "FUCK!"

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

And with that, I snapped.

"You wanna know what's wrong with me, Gabriel Knight? I'll tell you. This whole fucking school is what's wrong with me. This whole fucking system! I'm sick of everyone and literally every fucking thing! I have worked my ass off ever since freshman year for that scholarship and they give it to Kyle?! Someone who hasn't even been here for most of the four years I have?! And frankly, I'm getting fucking sick of the popular crowd, and I'm getting fucking sick of you!"

"M-me?"

I turned back to him and grabbed him by his shirt, leaning in my face dangerously close. The rage in my chest burned, and it burned deeply. If I could get away with murder, Gabriel would've been dead within the next few seconds. All the pity and hope and help that I had and wanted to give him had disappeared in the blink of an eye and I felt no trace of it coming back.

"Ever since Evan and Kyle and you walked into my life, everything has been complete shit! I get distracted from my studies, I lose my virginity to a fucking psychopath, and I even almost fucking die! But my dumbass always fall into this trap that seems to target me. And it's you! You, you, you! And I fucking hate it! I fucking hate you! I hate you, Gabriel Allan Knight, and everything you've caused! I hate you!!"

Before I had realized it, I was bawling my eyes out on his chest. I felt his still-muscular arms wrap around me and pull me closer to him. The sounds of my sobs were overpowering whatever it was he was saying, but I felt raindrops start to slowly pelt me on the forehead. I look up and was shocked by the scene.

He was crying. Gabriel Knight was crying... I don't think after everything he and I've been through, have I ever seen him cry. It was relieving seeing this vulnerable side of him. It reminded me of the Gabriel earlier in the school year, the one that I felt deeply connected to. The one that I almost gave up everything for, and I am still willing to do that.

The Gabriel that I fell in love with, was back.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in my ear. It sent chills down my spine, the words that I've secretly longed to hear. I've convinced myself that I would never get a genuine apology from anyone for anything, but hearing Gabriel say it... set my heart afire.

But seeing him cry, broke it into a million pieces.

"S-stop crying. You... you're not allowed to cry! Only I can cry!"

"W-well... you made a good point... I'm a shit person. I've fucked up everything I've touched this year, you specifically. I'm sorry..."

Another genuine apology that I didn't see coming, but, he wasn't wrong. Since being in the spotlight, front and center, everything has been completely wrong and there's no other way to describe it. But, my mind just didn't care when it came to this boy.

"Oh shut up," I cried out, plunging my face back into his tear-soaked chest. More streaks of wetness rolled down my face, but a soft hand wiped them as they fell. My brown eyes gazed into his green ones and I felt my body push closer into his, like it had gained a mind of its own.

"Liam..."

He moaned my name in a whisper and it sent my mind and my heart into a frenzy. Every breath turned heavy, every touch turned electric, and every thought turned wrong.

I shouldn't be here...

but I chose to be.