Forever Yours

Thirty-Five

New Years comes and goes in a flash, and before I knew it, it was Juan's first show for the US leg of his tour. I went to the show mainly because it was here in LA, which meant I wouldn't have to fly with Santos. My plan is to go to only a handful of Juan's shows for his US leg. I probably won't be going to any out of the country, which bums him out a lot, but traveling around the world with Santos just isn't something I want to be doing right now. I want him to have the most stable first year of his life as possible.

Because all of Juan's concerts are in the states right now, it's been super easy for him to be coming back home in between shows. Later on when his shows are out of the country, he'll be coming back home a lot less often.

"Are you excited for your date night tomorrow?" Elizabeth asks as we sit down at the dining room table.

Juan is having a show tonight in Houston, but he'll be back home tomorrow, and we'll be going on our first real date since Santos was born. "Yeah," I nod hesitantly. "but I'm also nervous about leaving Santos for the first time." I shrug.

"He's gonna be in the best hands." she smirks. We asked her and Oscar if they could take care of him for the night a couple of days ago.

I smile. "Yeah, I know he will be. It'll just be weird not having him right by my side."

"Look on the bright side, you and Juan can go out, have a few drinks, find a nice bathroom, have hot sex in it, or even do it in the car." she wiggles her eyebrows suggestively at me. "It'll take you back to old times."

I laugh, shaking my head. "First of all, we rarely ever did that even before Santos." I take bite of the salmon that I cooked us for dinner. "And second of all, I'll be shocked if we even up having sex."

"What do you mean?" she looks up from her food, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Damn it. I've said too much. "Juan and I haven't...well—" I sigh, setting my fork down. "We haven't had sex since Santos was born."

"What?" her eyes widen and she chokes on her wine. "Well why the hell not? Santi is gonna be like, three months already, haven't you guys been cleared to have sex for weeks now?"

Suddenly, my appetite is gone as I push my plate away from me. "Yeah. We tried when I first got cleared. But it was awful." I shake my head, grimacing at the memory of it. "It hurt like hell, and halfway into it, I started bawling. We had to stop." I say, shrugging.

"You cried?"

I cringe, nodding. "I felt ugly, and fat, and the farthest thing from sexy. That, along with how much it hurt, I couldn't keep it together."

"Oh, Anna." she frowns.

"I know." I roll my eyes. "Poor Juan had to stop and cradle me in his arms while I sobbed uncontrollably." that entire situation is one that I think we'd both appreciate forgetting ever happened. We haven't spoken about it since. "I got myself together and wanted to try again, but by the time we were getting back into it, Santos woke up crying, and I had to feed him."

She nods slowly. "And you guys haven't tried again since?"

"No. There hasn't really been an opportunity for it to happen again. From all the traveling he's been doing lately, he's just so tired. And so am I." I frown. "Oh God, we've become the stereotypical married couple who stops sleeping with each other as soon as they have a baby." I cry out, putting my face in my hands.