Forever Yours

Thirty-Seven

"God, we haven't been back here in forever." Mark says as we drive through downtown Chicago, on the way to our hotel. 

"Yeah, it's definitely a weird feeling." Oscar nods, looking out the window.

I turn to Juan, and rest my hand in his lap. "Ready to get your rest in?" I ask.

Because so many of us ended up coming to Chicago, Juan is having a limo take us to our hotel. We landed on his jet not too long ago, and our first stop was going to be the hotel so Juan could get as much rest as possible before his show tomorrow. Before this show in Chicago, he's had a show every single day in a different city for a week straight.

"Definitely."

I smile. "Good. You deserve it."

"I'll get as much rest as possible tonight, and then we can go visit your mom tomorrow before my show." he nods.

That sentence alone leaves my heart feeling heavy. Tomorrows gonna be a tough day. I feel it in my heart, but having Juan and my siblings with me is going to make it bearable. Seeing my moms grave for the first time in over two years is going to feel like the first time all over again, I know it.

"Sounds good." I force out a smile.

Juan sees past it though, and gives me a reassuring kiss, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "I'll be right by your side." he says.

"I know." I nod, resting my head on his shoulder.  "I love you."

***

"Ready to go Santi?" I smile down at my sweet boy as he lays on our bed, freshly changed. We're about to take our hour long drive to the cemetery, and I've made sure he's in the most comfortable outfit for our long day. He smiles up at me, kicking his feet happily.

Juan comes out of the bathroom, dressed and ready to go as well . "Are your brothers ready?" he asks, picking Santos up from the bed.

"Yeah, they just texted me. They're in the lobby already." I nod.

He extends a hand out to me, and I take it, standing from the bed. "Ready?"

"Mhm." I nod, smiling.

With Santos still in his arms he begins to walk us out of our room.

The entire car ride is mostly silent except for a few giggles coming from Santos when Joel makes a funny face at him. The rest of us are silently looking out the window. It's a surreal  feeling for all of us to see these places along the way that we hadn't been to in years.

"You good?" Joel asks me once we've made it to the cemetery. Mark, Oscar, and Juan leading the way to the grave.

I turn to look at him and nod. "Yeah. You?"

"Trying to be." he hesitantly nods.

I wrap an arm around his shoulder, bringing him into my side as we continue to walk. We reach the grave a few short seconds later and I immediately feel a rush of emotions hit me. I'm angry, sad, hurt. Mark sets the large bouquet of flowers we bought for her down on her grave, brushing off the dirt on the plate.

We all stare down at the grave in silence for what feels like forever. Juan is next to me, Santos in his arms. I look up to him and he gives me a sad smile. He extends his arm out to me, and I move into his hold. I look at Santos and he giggles, stuffing his fist into his mouth.

"You gave Mom her first grandchild." Mark says after a second. "He'd be her favorite."

I look at Mark and laugh lightly. "Probably, right?"