Forever Yours

Fifty-Three

Juan does surprisingly well with Santos the few nights that he has him over at his place. I'm glad he did so well with him, but all that means now is that I have to actually consider letting him take Santos to Medellín next month.

"So?" Juan grins as he hands Santos into my arms. "Did you think about it? Can I bring him with me next month?"

It's Thursday now, and Juan will be heading back on tour tomorrow. He came to drop Santos off before he has to head back home. He has plans later tonight.

I lead us towards the living room, taking a seat on the couch. Juan follows me, taking the seat across from me.

"There's no reason for me to say no, as much as I wish that there were." sighing, I nod. "Sorry." I apologize, cringing once I realize how that sounded.

He chuckles, nodding. "No, I get it. You're gonna miss him." he says.

"So much." I frown, giving Santos who's sitting on my lap a tight hug, as if he were leaving me right now.

"How do you think I feel every time I have to leave him?" his question breaks my heart, because I can't fathom the way he must feel. I couldn't even imagine having Santos for only a handful of days just to have to walk away from him for weeks at a time, over and over again.

"No, I know. I know." nodding, I look down at Santos. But you chose this life. My abrupt thought makes me feel slightly less bad for him.

It's almost as if Juan reads my mind, his eyes find mine and his lips curl up into a guilty smile. "Kinda dug my own grave with all this, huh?" he chuckles.

"We both did." I say, choosing to not place all of the blame on him.

He chuckles. "Thanks for that."

"But, um," I nod. "Yeah, I guess you can take him with you whenever you have some time off."

A break from motherhood may also be good for me, as much as I hate to admit it. Up until this week, I hadn't had a single full night of sleep in almost a year. I feel more refreshed than I have since before my pregnancy, and although I feel kind of guilty about that, I know a few nights away from Santos is what I needed. Although I do have help from my family, their worlds didn't completely stop when Santos was born like mine did, not that I expected them to. They have jobs and their own responsibilities, and they help me when they can, which I am eternally grateful for.

I love my son more than I ever thought I'd be capable of loving anything in the entire world, but I can't help being incredibly angry at how quickly Juan seemed to be willing to allow me to be a single mother. I gave him a child before I was ready to have one, and it's him who made me feel safe in doing so. Our entire relationship he told me how badly he wanted a family and how badly he longed for giving his child the family he was never able to have due to his parents having split up. I never thought we'd end up in their same exact position.

"I really appreciate you being so great about this, Adrianna" the sincerity and relief in his voice is clear, and I'm glad I can give that to him.

"Of course."

***

"What will we be doing for your week as a fully single woman? Clubbing?" Elizabeth asks me later that night, a mischievous smile on her lips.

I roll my eyes. "Uh, nothing. I may be a single woman, but you my friend, are not."

"Oh." she frowns. "You're right. I forget sometimes."

I laugh, shaking my head. "You're crazy. I'll be at home, relaxing."

"Fair enough." she nods, sitting down next to me on the couch with a slice of pizza. "Did Juan go back on tour already?"

"Sometime tomorrow." I shake my head, still watching the movie we put on earlier. "He had a friends album release party to go to in Hollywood tonight."

"Oh God," her sigh tells me exactly what she's thinking is also what went through my mind for a brief moment when he told me his plans for tonight. "So, we should be expecting the paparazzi pictures of him walking out of the club with a couple girls on his arms then, right?"

"Yep." I nod, taking a bite out of my own slice. "That's exactly what that means."

"Isn't he embarrassed that his family sees he's fucking someone different every night? That you see he's fucking someone different every night?" she asks, annoyed.

I shrug. "I don't think he cares right now. I think this is his way of coping. The partying and drinking, I mean. I feel bad for him, we're both going through a hard time with this separation. I have the support of all you guys, I got to stay in our home, I get to see my son every day. He's probably lonely as fuck on tour, he hasn't been back to Colombia in forever." I shake my head. "I feel for him."

"You're a better person than I could ever be." she scoffs, shaking her head.

"It's true, Liz. He looks exhausted and depressed every time I see him. Yes, this is the life he's choosing right now, but it doesn't mean I feel any less badly for him." the conversation Juan and I had the other night when he told me how badly he needs a real break broke my heart, because it only confirmed everything I had already been thinking on my own. I had kind of been hoping the sadness I saw in him was just in my head.

She frowns. "Yeah, I guess."

I finish up my slice of pizza before sighing. "I'm gonna go put this little guy to bed." I tell her, pointing down at Santos who was playing with a rattle on the ground in front of us. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

Liz nods, turning her attention to the TV. I turn my attention the little munchkin in front of me. "Hi baby," I smile wide, putting my arms out to him. He gladly drops his rattle, his little arms stretching up for me to take him. "let's go to bed."

"Night, Santi." Elizabeth gives him a goofy smile and wave as we make our way out of the living room.

Once we're upstairs, it only takes about ten minutes of rocking and feeding Santos for him to be knocked out. I thank God for how easily he's always seemed to fall asleep. I kiss his adorable little face before setting him into his crib.

I watch as his belly rises and falls with each breath, so peacefully. I truly believe this baby is what has kept me sane throughout this entire separation with Juan. Without him, I don't know if I'd be able to handle not having Juan in my day-to-day life.

I open the door to Santos' nursery, ready to walk out when I see Elizabeth rushing towards me. I quietly shut the door behind me, walking a few steps towards her. Her eyes are wide, and my heart instantly drops. "What's wrong?" I ask.

"Y-You got a call from—" her hands are shaky as she hands me my phone which I hadn't even noticed I left downstairs.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" I ask more frantically now, taking the phone. I put my hand on her lower back, leading us further down the hall, away from Santos' nursery.

"It's Juan. He's been in some sort of accident—"

I gasp, dropping my phone, my hands slapping over my mouth. "What? Is he okay?" I feel a wave of complete terror wash over my entire body.

"I don't know," she shakes her head. "They wouldn't give me any details. You're his emergency contact. He's at Southern California." Hollywood. He's at a hospital in Hollywood.

"Fuck!" I yell, tears welling up in my eyes. "Something must've happened at the party or on his way there. Fuck, fuck, fuck." I shake my head. "Stay with Santos. Please, will you stay with him? I have to go right now."

"Of course." she nods quickly. "Go, go." she nods again.

I pick my phone up off the ground, my entire body feeling shaky now. "I have to go. I'll call you later, okay?" I don't give her a chance to say anything else before I'm rushing down the stairs as quick as I ever have before.

"Please drive safe!" I hear her call out as I rush out of the house with my keys in my hands.

A/n
Hope you guys don't think I've forgotten about you! Sorry for being gone for so long, I've missed writing and really hope to continue on with my stories more consistently from now on. Let me know your thoughts on this chapter, hope to be back soon with another chapter! Writing a new chapter for "Till The End" at the moment for any of those wondering :)