HIM

CHAPTER 40

"I needed to talk to you yesterday but you weren't around," he said still locking me in his hug.
It was so comfortable.
"I am so sorry, there was something I couldn't avoid. But I'll be on today."
Then he let me free and I looked up at his face. He didn't seem relaxed at all, like something was really disturbing him, at the same time he was fighting the urge to not let it show. The strange mix of emotions in one person's face got me so worried.
" Hey Flen, are you OK?"
He looked at me carefully then said a firm "No."
"What is the matter? Does it have something to do with last time?"
"Yes, it has everything to do with last time. I was in distress and the only person I could talk to wasn't even there."
I think I felt some bit of anger in there too. But he kept the calm face.
I didn't know I'd be needed this much in a relationship.
I didn't even know what to say.
" You want to talk about it?"
" Not here. After school at our usual place if you don't mind?"
"I don't mind."

Then it flashed on me that after school was the time to see and talk to May.
How would I do it?
Both were urgent, in fact one had gone long enough.
And both needed time. I couldn't just tell May 'Bill is an idiot' then just walk away like that. She'd not believe me, then she'd want to vent out, then she'd do a lot of stuff that would take up a good amount of time. She'd even ask me to go for a sleepover just to explain everything again. I'd known her long enough to know what reaction I was expecting.
Then I couldn't tell Flen his issue had to wait. I wasn't there for him yesterday already, that was enough.
Maybe the sleepover at May after talking to Flen would work, but my dad would be here to see me again.
"Thank you," he said interrupting my thoughts.
I smiled at him and then told him we would meet later. He hugged me once again.
I think it was time I told someone we were dating.
I would wait for the day to end and see how things went, then I'd start thinking about that when my one mess with May was clear. I couldn't shake the feeling that sooner the truth was going to be out, and it was going to hurt both of us. It felt like a premonition of doom.

I walked away lazily along the corridor, not looking anywhere in specific. Then I made a bend around the corner, visited the powder room. I had weird habits that I thought I should break. Like going to the powder room after every lunch period in this school.
But before I could make it to thr corner that would lead me to the tuition block, I saw him standing straight ahead. Hands folded nicely across his chest.
He looked at me every single move. There was not a corner I could run to, but I didn't want to make a scene either. So I just stood in front of him.
"You are in my way," I said sharply.
"I know. I was waiting for you anyway."
"Wow! Very beautiful," I mocked.
"That Flen of a guy, you have a thing for him? You two are something else around each other."
"Oh, I am so glad you saw that part. Now Bill, would you mind walking out of my path. I got places to be."
"I got places to be too, and here is one of them."
"I see that very well. I don't want to get in your way." I made as if to leave but he stopped me.
"You have been avoiding me and it pains me. And noticing you've chosen someone else over me stings more than you can imagine."
"Bill, are we being serious right now?"
I keep thinking this guy is just joking about this whole thing but he only seemed to be getting worse and worse.
"Linn, I like you. I really do. But every effort I make at telling you that seems to be a joke to you all the time."

Where was the saving grace of the bell this time?
I didn't look at him, I could not look at him.
What was I to say to him after that heartbreaking confession?
"I am going to tell May about this whole thing, I am tired of this situation."
That was all I said.
"You won't and you know it. She won't even believe you for a start."
"I don't care if she does or doesn't. I don't want to hear anymore from you."
"Go ahead and tell her. You might just as well make my work easier than I thought."
He moved aside, allowing me all the passage in the world to go run to his girl and announce the big great news for him.
I knew I didn't want to be around him,so I walked away gladly.
Deep down I kept wondering how possible that could be. I've seen them together, they were happy together, or so they seemed to me.
Why then would he be doing all this, knowing too well the aftermath of his actions all the same?
I thought people who loved each other stayed with each other!
What then were the two hiding, or rather, what was he not getting that made him this much of a pretender?

***
As the bell rung to signal the end of the day at school, I just ran off from everyone quickly. I didn't know who to talk to or wait for. I think no one noticed what I did. That meant May hadn't seen me either.
My thoughts were all jumbled up, I couldn't think straight on anything. I walked silently and slowly after I got to the school gate. So confused and lost in thoughts.
I don't know just how much time I'd stayed in that state when I heard someone call my name. I stopped and looked behind, Flen was approaching.
I kept a straight line of vision on him, wondering just how well he'd been at hiding his emotions earlier. He stood close and did nothing or said nothing.
"Can I get a hug?" I asked to break the silence. As a matter of fact, I needed it.
"Sure my sweet little cupcake," he replied pulling me into one bear hug again.
"I thought am bigger than a cupcake," I complained.
"I know, but you're as sweet as one."
"You really know how to make a girl blush."
He smiled shortly then held my hand and we headed to our usual spot.

"My parents are getting a divorce," he said after we'd got there and sat down.
That left me dumb completely.
"Oh," was all that came out.
Then I squeezed his hands lightly, got closer to him and hugged him.
Left me wondering if my parents were divorced or just living apart.
"You know my parents too don't stay together, it's been 6 years now," I said hoping that maybe my story would offer some calm.
"I didn't know. I've always thought that your father is probably dead because I've never seen him and you never bring him up."
"I know. Actually he's the one who came over yesterday, wanting to fix things between me and him."
"You're lucky."
"I don't know how to say, or what to say. You'll be fine eventually."
"You'll be here for me, right?"
"Yes honey, I'll be here for you."
He seemed surprised that I'd used a pet name on him. Because he pulled out from my soothing hug almost immediately and then looked at me for a while before closing his lips over mine.
Wow! It felt really good to be kissed again.

Father got home earlier than the previous day. I think he probably knew my time for leaving school, because I found him on the bench outside. Flen had walked me to the gate but said he wouldn't go in today. Good intuition he had. I am sure they'd be awkward around each other.
"Is that your boyfriend?" Dad asked as j located the key under the pot we kept it at.
Probably grandma was at the Ted's again.
"Well yeah, he's my boyfriend. But don't tell mum please," I begged him.
He laughed at me before saying anything.
He still held the same powerful and affectionate laughter. I missed that for 6 years.
"Let me think about that, before I go I'll let you know."
"Come on in," I ushered him in the house.
I went straight to the kitchen and brought back two mugs of hot coffee. Then I sat down next to him.
"Hey dad, I am sorry about what I said yesterday."
"You don't need to. I understand your anger completely my baby."
"Thank you."
I thought for a while before asking.
"Will you and Mum get back together?"
The question startled him.
"I can not answer that yet. There's still a lot we need to discuss with her. It's been years, I just can't come back and walk into her life like nothing happened."
I just hoped that whatever they had to talk about, they'd consider giving it a try again. I wanted to feel normal, living with both my parents.
"OK."
"Let's not make the conversation boring, tell me about your little guy I just saw. Is he nice, handsome, annoying?"
"He called me little pancake today," I told him.
There he was again, laughing louder this time. It was his laugh that made me laugh too.
"It's so funny how that's the first thing you tell me about your boyfriend. You're such a character you know," he said amidst the last bit of his laugh.
I thought maybe I would ask for some manly advice from him, so instead of talking about Flen, I told him about Bill.
He listened surprisingly so keenly, didn't interrupt or even judge.
" You value your sanity?" he asked.
"Yes of course I do."
"Then go talk to your friend May. Find time before it's late."
Almost immediately the door opened and grandma walked in carrying a plastic bag in one hand.
She walked up to us, said a brief hello then went to the kitchen.
That was my Dad's cue to leave.
I walked him to the gate.
" Let's make a deal, convince your mother to allow me have you the entire day tomorrow, then I won't tell her about your boyfriend."
I loved the sound of it.
"Deal."
"Goodnight little cupcake."
"Dad!"
"Come on! It's a sweet name."
He gave me a goodnight hug then went away.

I went back to the house, grandma wasn't in the kitchen. I took my phone, searched for Flen's contact, and changed it to Honey.
I called May and used my dad as an excuse for not waiting for her. She was shocked when I said Dad but then I explained everything briefly. Then I told her I'd see her tomorrow evening.