HIM

CHAPTER 30

"When is he coming back again? "
"I don't know when really, soon enough am sure. I've sent him away far too many times, I want the decision to be yours this time Linn. "
Well, I didn't know if it was going to be an achievement making a decision on whether I wanted to see this man or not.
I didn't even know if I should be angry at my mother for not allowing him see  me. It all just felt confusing.
"Does he know about Jamie? " I suddenly asked.
OK, am sure he did. I just didn't know what to ask, or I just needed a confirmation.
Mum suddenly let go of my hand, then looked at me; a look of somewhat battling with emotions.
Whatever that was.
"No. "
"No? Why? Doesn't he deserve a chance at least to know what happened to his son? " I got raged.
Despite the separation and neglect, that was still his right. God! What did my mother start consuming after father left!
"I don't know if you'll be ready to receive this but I think it's time I told you, " she tried calming me.
"OK, let's see what was this thing that made you stay with the truth hidden all these time, " I angrily retorted, turning my head in a disgusted motion.
I've never done this before, but listening to all this outrageous thing!
"Linn, Jamie wasn't your brother through your father —"
OK, let's see if my ears still had wax. Or maybe I was still sleeping and this was just a nightmare.
You're awake Linn.
If you've ever felt short of breath, then you understood what happened to me then.
"— I know it's unbelievable, I know Linn. But Jamie was by fact..."
Pause.
Why in all the earth would she choose this time to pause?
"Mum! Who was his father? " I was breaking down so fast, really fast.
"Mr. Jose, " she admitted shyly, taking her eyes away from me.
Well, whoever said the truth hurts, that person knew the word hurt wasn't the most fitting.
This was too much!
It felt like a spear thrown straight to the heart, but you're still alive feeling every bit of the sharpness and pain.
Who thinks that growing up with a brother as sweet and nice and warm and good and loving and...as Jamie, only to find out he wasn't your brother fully is the easiest news?
I know someone would say as long as he's my brother, doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter yes, but it hurts, OK?
It hurts to know he didn't carry fully the same parental DNA as mine.
It hurts to know that the man I call father isn't that to him.
The truth hurts!
I cried my eyes out, I cried my heart out, I cried every bit out. I was shaking literally.
"Linn, am sorry. I really am sorry for all these. I just wanted you to grow up to a point of understanding before I told you anything. "
Was I even supposed to understand anything when all I could was to wet my eyes instead.
I thought for a while then...
"Mum, tell me everything, " I demanded.

Sigh.
"OK, I will, " she said. She moved closer to me this time, took my hands again and squeezed it gently.
***
"I ran away from home after my brother was killed by the mob after he was found stealing. My sister flew home when she saw life so tough; she always wanted to be free and happy.
So left alone with only Mum and Dad, it was too much seeing them struggle still.
I went to town hoping for a better life, growing up made us believe so— "
At this juncture, her mind seemed to have travelled far away, narrating every bit like she lived it and could feel it still.
"—but I was wrong. If you didn't have a starting point, you were as good as nothing. I tried asking for jobs anywhere, anything seemed better—"
Tears started welling up her eyes.
"—then I met Mr. Jose, he was a good man compared to any I'd met. He took me in and promised to help. One day things happened and... "
That should probably mean I should shut my ears so I don't hear it.
But am listening still.
"I found out three weeks later I was pregnant. Just happened on the same day I was from the hospital, I met Cornel Ruins, your father. "
I saw her lips twitch in somewhat of a smile.
She fell in love.
"Yes, I fell in love. We started dating ,and we took things really first. OK, Jose had a girlfriend but knew I was having his child. But I hid it from your father thinking maybe he'd eventually leave me. He never did, but as soon as he found out I was expecting a baby, he met my parents and asked for my hand in marriage. Jose never pushed for anything because he knew it'd be a catastrophe both sides, but he promised to help with the upbringing of his child, even if hidden. "
Wow!
"I don't know Linn, but somehow one day the truth surfaced. It happened after my father died, that's how. "
Probably they met at the burial, and I don't know, that's how.
"So your father got angry and that was the base for our continued arguments later in the marriage. "
At this point, a tear fell down her cheeks.
Mine was a different case already, I had been crying all along.
"Till one day he couldn't hold it anymore. That was the day you saw things take a different turn in this house, " she mumbled.
If I told you I had been crying before, it was nothing close to what I was doing now.
I was sobbing.