HIM

CHAPTER 42

"Dad, do you wish things would go back to the way they were before?"
We were seated at Hyrax Gardens, chewing nuts. We had toured the Lakeview museum which I didn't even know existed, then had gone to Rangers waterfalls.
We'd then went to Hippo point but left after only a few minutes because it was too crowded.
All of it had been fun. He'd tell me facts about the places I didn't know, and my only work was to confirm. And he was always correct.
He sat there thoughtfully then looked at me and said, "I wish I'd handled things differently then. I'd not have to be here today like this, trying so hard to get things back together."
"Is it so hard? I mean, am not proving to be difficult to win over you know."
"You're a sweet little girl still. It's different with your Mum Linn. There's just so much to fix, the big part being making her trust that I've changed. That we can just live without me being that violent man I was."
"Violent! I didn't know that part of you. How violent were you?"
"I guess your Mum remained to be the secretive one she always was. I don't want to upset you."
"You will upset me if you can't tell me what you meant by violent."
"OK Linn. Finding out that Jamie wasn't my son really broke me. I felt cheated, like she did it from the beginning just to make me responsible, not that she loved me. Every thought of it made me angry. One day she came to me,"
    'Jamie is in bad shape I need to get him some medication.'

'How does that concern me? I think he has a father who should be taking care of that!'

'But you are my husband now. Why should I go to him?'

'I don't want anything to do with that boy Anne! You hear me? I'm doing my best to just be seeing him around and keeping calm.'

'He's just a boy, the mistake isn't his Cornel!'

"That was the part that got me mad, remembering that the woman I loved had deceived me.
I had a metal case in my hand, so I threw it at her, and it hit her shoulder perfectly."

"Uh," I gasped shockingly. I never thought of my father that way.
"Why did I never see her in that condition?"
To be honest I didn't remember that part at all, except recently when she was to the hospital again.
"I told you she's always secretive. You weren't keen to notice, but that was the time I told you she'd gone to visit her mum and that she'd take quite some time there. I had lied about it."
"I feel like I should be hating you right now but I don't even how to do it."
"I know. I am truly sorry for everything. I just don't know how to make it all go away like it never happened."
"I don't know how to either. I just wish we'd get back to being a family again."
"Let's give your Mum some time. And I'll be OK if she refuses to let us be again."
"You mean you'd just give up like that?"
"There's a lot you don't understand about love little cupcake."
"We're back to that again! Thought we agreed no more of that for me! Dad!"
He let out a light laugh, felt refreshing.
"I just love the name. It's sweet and suits you in so many ways."

I paused for a long time before I said again.
"Dad, but I do understand that Mum loves you. I've never seen a man in our house since you left."
"Let's hope it's so."
"Ever moved on after you left?"
"To be honest, yes. Tried two women but it never worked out. So I stopped."
"I just want to live in the bossom of my family again," I mentioned wistfully.

We then went out to grab lunch at Mirage Hotel. My tiny radius of life made it hard to ever know there were such buildings in my town. I thought of writing a bucket list of places I wanted to visit, but dismissed the idea as soon as it came. I don't know why.

I later suggested we pass by and say hello to Mum. Dad was so hard on it, it took a lot to get the yes from him.
I was scared of her reaction to be honest, but I was sure she couldn't do anything weird in public.
Mary was the first to see us and from her eyes all the shock showed. And she really did us the big favor of calling Mum to us.
She just came and gave me a light hug then said hello to Dad.
That went well.
She then ushered us to a table and sat beside me. OK, it was very weird for all of us. Dad wasn't saying anything, Mum kept asking me about how I'd spent my time, if I was OK, if anything had gone wrong.
"Hey, Mum, am OK don't worry. Everything went well."